Sex can be time-consuming. Maybe after a day of walking multiple blocks to your car or sitting in an overheated office all day, you just don’t feel like getting naked and rubbing your body up on someone else’s body. Or maybe you don’t want to take off your clothes because heating is expensive and you would rather just be cocooned in a Snuggie and your secret pair of Uggs (I know you have them, it’s okay I won’t tell anyone). Or what if you just ate an entire bowl of pasta and garlic knots and the last thing you really feel like doing is stripping down and prancing around the bedroom with your pasta baby belly in all its glory — not to mention those garlic knots are probably not making the inside of your mouth a fun, fresh place. Or perhaps you just want to watch a show or read a book because shows and books don’t require any real effort, prep work, or physical activity.
Because it’s mother nature’s Valium
Sex has been proven to decrease stress, which is not exactly news to anyone. So while banging might not be the first thing on your mind, it should probably be. Everyday health explains, “Researchers theorize that this stress reduction occurs because the pleasure pathways of the brain are triggered by sex.” Also? Focusing on orgasming instead of work or how you haven’t done laundry in like four weeks (true story right now) forces you to re-prioritize your feelings. So, thanks sex. You’re a good distraction.
It’s better than going to the gym, let’s be real
I have no idea how many calories sex burns because A) I haven’t looked it up since that would make me feel too opportunistic or something, and B) I know it depends on what positions you use anyway. Like, I’m guessing reverse cowgirl is a little more fuel-burning than doggy style, but whatever. It doesn’t matter. You’re moving around, you’re sweating, and you’re getting your heart rate up. You’re welcome, heart.
It keeps our hormones in check
BYE, Clinique, get outta here. No need for fancy face wash and expensive mud in a tube when you're getting laid regularly. Having sex increases the amount of estrogen your body produces, so not only does that keep your hormones from losing their cool and wreaking havoc on your face, or making your boobs sore, but it can also help regulate your period, which is pretty cool.
Sex is an awesome bonding experience
And so are other things, like mini golf and bike riding. But don’t just rule sex out, even if you’ve been together forever and ever and the thought of his penis (or her vagina) has lost its luster. It’s still important, and I don’t care what anyone says about this. Like Morrissey once said, "We’re just human and we need to be loved." And while that is true, I have to think he really meant, "We’re just human and we need to fucked at least once in awhile." It does make you feel emotionally closer, as well as physically.
It can be soothing
If your go-to excuse is that you have a headache, then you may want to get more creative, because sex can actually reduce pain. Researchers have found that even looking at a photo of your honey helps alleviate any pain you might have. Ooh-ohoh it’s magic! Ya knowwww.
Because it might prevent cancer
Sex allegedly helps prevent prostate and breast cancer. I’m assuming it’s because it also helps balance your hormones, and balanced hormones are good, non-cancer causing hormones. So yeah, sex is basically just as good for you as vegetables. Would you rather eat vegetables or have sex? Maybe you should do incorporate both, you freaky veggie sex freak, you.
You’ll feel like a sweaty sex goddess
This is TMI, but whatever. You’re still reading this so it’s your fault anyway. Whenever I have sex, I feel super empowered and sexy. Sex makes me feel awesome. And it case it needs clarifying (and I hope it doesn't,) you should never have sex if you don’t want to (and don’t allow me or anyone else to pressure you. When I say you "should" have sex, I say that in a loving, encouraging way, and I’m talking about healthy, consensual sex), but if you do, get into it. Don't treat it like a chore. Experiment if you want. Try out different positions. Ask your boo if they want to talk dirty. Talk dirty and be awkward. Talk dirty and feel like you’re an entirely different person. Roleplay! Pretend you’re the ever elusive Carmen Sandiego. Have fun with a person who totally worships your body and appreciates every inch of it.
It’s better than most things. Except maybe Serial.
Not a whole lot is better than Serial, to be honest. But sex comes close.
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