13 Unnecessary Moments in 'Fifty Shades' Trailer

Listen, Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm going to go ahead and be honest. You are my most highly anticipated film of 2015. Not even the announcement of a sequel to Frozen could get me more excited about a movie other than this one. However, when Fifty Shades of Grey releases a new trailer, I expect to be titillated. I expect to be entertained. I don't expect to be sad, which is what happened when the extended trailer dropped Thursday night. I mean, this movie lost a little bit of shine for me when I found out Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" model Sean O'Pry could have been Christian Grey and I felt robbed of that amazing moment, but I love Jamie Dornan so I was willing to let it go. However, my love for Jamie Dornan can't overcome the fact that half of the "extended" trailer was an unnecessary distraction from Christian and Ana's chemistry.

Look, we all know why we're really watching Fifty Shades. We all know what this movie and book are really about. So can someone please tell me why most of the extended trailer was extended shots of Ana's hair or Christian's ties? I know they had to pad out the trailer with some B-roll clips, but come on. This is no red band trailer so I don't expect it to be steamy moments from start to finish, but this trailer seemed to be more B-roll than it was heated moments to remember. I would say about a quarter of the trailer was totally unnecessary. They had two minutes to wow me with Christian and Ana, and instead it was wasted on pictures of cars.

Don't believe me? Check out these 13 unnecessary moments from the trailer.

1. The moment we watched Christian put on his clothes

Raise your hand if you're watching Fifty Shades of Grey to watch Christian put his clothes on. No one? That's what I thought. I know Jamie Dornan won't be going full-frontal in the film, but, come on. I don't want to watch him get dressed in the trailer.

2. That moment we saw inside Ana's closet

While it's very nice to know that Ana owns more than one paisley shirt, I still don't care.

3. The moment we found out Christian has other kinds of ties

I mean, I'm not saying that he probably can't still use these for his clandestine bedroom activities, but — I know he has ties. I've seen him in his suit. I don't need to, like, look at all of them.

4. The moment where Ana had a strong ponytail game

Ana's ponytail game might be strong, but why are you wasting time in my extended trailer to show me how she gets that ponytail just right? I don't care. I'll see it in the movie.

5. The moment we saw how they both drive

Seriously, was this the longest build-up to a first meeting or what?

6. The moments that looked straight out of a "Wish You Were Here" postcard

I mean, honestly, I could just buy the postcard. I'm not really seeing why the city is such an important main character that it needs to get more shots than, say, Ana's roommate. Or Rita Ora.

7. The moments we got a good look at nice cars

If I want to watch shameless car advertisement, I'd watch Transformers or Fast and Furious. I don't think it's possible for me to care less about these cars in the Fifty Shades trailer.

8. The moment Christian suddenly had a shirt on

One minute, he's still by the piano shirtless as a sheet-clad Ana walks into the room and suddenly it switches to a shot of him wearing a shirt by the same piano. SO UNNECESSARY.

9. The moment they focused on Ana's lips a lot

I can promise you that I am nowhere as fascinated by her mouth as Christian is. Sorry not sorry.

10. The moment Ana was overexcited by rain

Why was she staring up at the rain with her mouth open like a turkey? I don't understand. Sure, she looked gorgeous and everything, but — unnecessary.

11. The moment Christian went running

I always saw Christian as more as a personal home gym kind of guy. Also, I didn't really need to see him run, especially not if he was doing it fully clothed with a hood obscuring part of his face.

12. The moment with all those random extras on the sidewalk

I assume my focus in this shot was supposed to be on how the building belongs to Christian's family, but instead all I saw was an unnecessary shot of a building that has almost nothing to do with the rest of the movie.

13. The moment he held out his hand

It didn't even have a whip in it. Can you say cheesy? And, also, unnecessary? Next time Fifty Shades releases a new trailer, I hope they place more focus on what we're all coming to the theater for (ahem, Christian and Ana and fun times) and less focus on anything else (cars, clothes, any other plot). Well, all right, they can leave some plot in there. I mean, at this point they could roll out a trailer that's just three minutes of Beyoncé songs with nothing but a title card and I would still watch it, but I have a mighty need to see as much of the movie as I can through trailers while I wait for it to come out in full. Please and thank you.

Check out the new trailer below.

Image: YouTube (14)