Entertainment

What If 'Vanderpump Rules' Was Science Fiction?

by Kristie Rohwedder

I have to admit that two scenes from last Monday’s Vanderpump Rules stuck with me days (DAYS, I said!) after the episode aired. (OK, let’s be real: practically the entire episode stuck with me. And yes, I will remember that cable box scene forever. For. Ev. Er .) The first: Jax told Kristina he’d like to reconnect with ex-girlfriend Stassi now that she and new boyfriend Patrick were back in town. The second: Jax told his therapist he believes there’s still something there with ex-girlfriend Stassi.

On the flip side: Stassi made it very clear to anyone who asked that she wants nothing to do with ex-boyfriend Jax. Stassi was waaaaaay done and that was not up for reconsideration.

A mere episode before this, Jax covered up his Stassi tattoo with a black rose. Like Kristen and Tom Sandoval’s shared cable box, that tattoo was the last remaining vestige of his and Stassi’s relationship. When that tattoo was gone, I assumed that mean the feelings were gone, too.

Why was Jax holding out hope? What aren’t we viewers seeing?

Rather than attempt to guess realistic reasons as to why Jax had such a positive outlook on what seemed to be a very donezo relationship, here's where my mind went: What if this wasn't a reality television program? What if it was a sci-fi program? What would my theories be then?

Here are some totally unrealistic, totally not plausible, totally sci-fi possible explanations:

Explanation 1: Double Trouble

Stassi has a doppelgänger. And no, not some random who happens to look a lot like her. I'm talking an actual Stassi double. And that double had been in communication with Jax. The communication with the double makes Jax think there's a chance at reconciliation. (Stassi doesn't know about the doppelgänger. The two finally meet in the season finale. It's a wild moment.)

Explanation 2: Time Travel

Jax can time travel. While his time hopping self is in the past (presumably around the time things started to really get bad with him and Stassi) attempting to fix things, his present self remains in the present. He doesn't know why exactly (because due to whatever rules of Jax's time traveling abilities, his present day form is not aware of what's going on with the time hopping), but Present Jax suddenly feels positive about how everything will turn out with Stassi.

Explanation 3: Alternate Universes

There are parallel worlds. In the world we're not seeing on the TV show, Jax and Stassi work things out. Somehow, Jax from World 2 trades places with Jax from World 1 (aka the world we see on Vanderpump). World 2 Jax believes he can fix World 1 Jax's all but disintegrated relationship with World 1 Stassi.

Explanation 4: Some Real Sci-Fi Type Stuff

Jax is Patrick. Jax is a shapeshifter, and Stassi just so happens to fall in love with one of the identities he takes on. (And yes, that was Jax's plan all along.) One afternoon, Stassi casually says something kind of nice about Jax to "Patrick," and Jax latches onto it. Jax believes he can salvage their relationship. In the season finale, Jax reveals his shapeshifting power and comes clean to Stassi. It's a big mess.

...Man. Could you imagine the fights on Vanderpump Rules if it were a sci-fi/fantasy program? I can see it now: Tom Sandoval calls out James for taking selfies with his Podracer. James throws a punch at Tom Sandoval while wearing a glove made out of lasers. The two would settle this the only way fit: James and his BMW Podracer versus Tom Sandoval and his Honda Civic Podracer. (Naturally, Giggy would be Watto.)

Images: Giphy (4)