The 19 Stages of SoulCycle Withdrawal, From Anger To Tapping It Back At Your Desk
I never thought in a million years that I would become addicted to a workout. But here I am, obsessed with the infamous indoor cycling class known as SoulCycle. I am in that studio at least twice a week, wearing the skull-adorned clothing, riding to the beat, and promoting it to anyone who will listen. I am thoroughly addicted to this workout.
So you can imagine my dismay when on Halloween night this year, a regrettable wedge sneaker/trying to make eye contact with someone cute while walking-incident led me to a broken left foot. I was in pain, but I was in even more denial when I went to SoulCycle the next morning (I hadn't been to a doctor yet so I didn't know it was officially broken). I thought my logic (hey, it's just a stationary bike!) was sound. Yeah ... not so much.
When I went to the doctor on Monday and learned that my foot was really and truly broken, it started to hit me that life was going to be tough over the next month or so. I was about to experience the 19 stages of SoulCycle withdrawal.
If you're also addicted to the best workout on earth, know that taking a break comes at a price. Whether you've had to stop because of injury, relocation, or cost here's what you can expect.
"This blows! I mean, do you know how fun this class is? You ride to the beat of the music and there's candles! Candles!"
"But I was just starting to feel really good about sitting in the front row!"
3. binge eating
Binge eating grapes really doesn't have the same impact as chocolate. The worst part is you can't even go to class to burn it off.
"There was a time when I didn't have SoulCycle in my life and I survived. I can do it again."
5. telling yourself you'll just pick up another awesome hobby
"Maybe I'll get really good at knitting! I'll make everyone a hat for the holidays."
6. ditching said new hobby because it's too boring
Activities are only fun if they are in sync with a Katy Perry song.
7. false optimism
"If I just lift weights at home to music it'll be the same! Plus, no one will judge me if I do an extra tap back."
"Ugh, this is not at all the same. My iPod falls whenever I punch it out. It's ruining my groove."
"Look at these people on the street in their SoulCycle gear. They are so lucky! I hate them."
"I'll just walk past the studio on my way home from work. It's totally on my way ... if I go an extra 10 blocks out of the way."
"Why did I open the weekly email? A Britney versus Justin ride? Nothing will ever be as good."
13. full-on breakdown
Must. Go. Back.
14. questioning your faith
"What do doctors know anyway? Is eight years of school really enough?"
"I can't even remember how to not dance on a bike. How do people just ride them? I remember bikes..."
"What if my sense of rhythm just ... goes away?"
17. tapping it back whenever possible (like at your desk)
But it's really not the same.
"Remember the days when I wore spandex all the time? Those were the best."
19. (temporary) acceptance
Hair tossing just isn't the same unless you are on a bike and super sweaty. You will just have to wait it out.