Seth Rogen's Parents Denied Him Thanksgiving

As a person who attempts to act every now and then, I have always wondered how actors summon up the emotions to cry during scenes. I know that Seth Rogen is one of many actors who has been called upon to shed tears on film, and I understand now where his inspiration comes from: for his entire childhood, Seth Rogen's parents denied him Thanksgiving. At first you might try to rationalize this by remembering that Rogen is Canadian, but Canadians have their own Thanksgiving, so his parents got extra creative about lying to him and said that Jewish people in Canada don't celebrate the holiday.

That's right: The parents of one of America's most beloved comedians denied him the pleasure of unabashedly stuffing his face without judgment on one of the most beautiful days of the year. Never did Rogen experience the glory of cramming side dishes into whatever spare room he could find in his cheeks, nor the chaos of people attempting to decorate like you have a clue about home decor before guests arrive, nor the painful hours-long aftermath of having a Thanksgiving food baby.

How could they do that to him? How could they put their son into the world and expect him to function like a normal human being after living a lie?!

It wasn't until long into his adulthood that his friends clued Rogen into the cold dark truth about his past. "I haven't confronted my parents about it," he says, "but I will one day." The only appropriate revenge I can think of is Rogen Instagramming literally every single thing he eats this year and sending all the links to his parents, so that they wake up on Black Friday with so many e-mails in their inbox that they miss every single e-mail with sale offers.

Wow. Sorry that got so dark. But not quite as dark as Seth Rogen's Thanksgiving-less youth: