Pizza Hut Australia’s Doritos Crunchy Crust Pies Exist, and I Just Can’t Deal With Them
Man, Pizza Hut wasn’t kidding when they said they were finally going to hop on the pizza innovation train. First there was the crazy new customizable menu; then there was the brief (and, possibly, slightly ill-advised) foray into burrito and quesadilla pizza hybrids; then there was the allegedly mind-reading “Subconscious Menu” thing; and now there’s Pizza Hut Australia’s Doritos Crunchy Crust pizza. Is anyone else getting a little bit scared by all these strange and bizarre new pizza creations?
According to Pizza Marketplace, the crust, which Pizza Hut “spent months developing,” consists of mozzarella layered with Doritos and finished off with a sprinkling of cheddar. I assume it's Nacho Cheese flavored, but I suppose it’s possible that they’re just Doritos brand regular corn chips or something (I just hope they’re not cool ranch, because yuck). I can’t help but think, though, that Grub Street probably had it right; commented Clint Rainey, “[It] doesn’t seem to involve any special ingredients or techniques as much as it does crumbled chips more or less glued to the crust with shredded mozzarella and cheddar.” For the curious, here’s what it looks like according to one of its promo images:
Aaaaaaaand here’s what it looks like in real life:
In any event, the pizza’s defining factor seems to be not what it tastes like, but what it sounds like. Said Fatima Syed, the chain’s head of marketing and innovation, “We’re so excited to launch the Doritos Crunchy Crust Pizza — it’s the kind of pizza that needs to not only be eaten, but heard to be believed. As you bite into the crust, you’ll be blown away by the crunch — it’s not only seriously loud, but delicious.” I can’t really say I’ve ever found myself thinking, “Gee, I really wish my pizza were louder”… but to each his or her own. It’ll only be available for a limited time, so if you’re interested in trying it (and you live in Australia), you’d better hop to it.
Ever since the Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco appeared, it seems we’ve been seeing fast food chains incorporating the flavor-dusted corn chips into their offerings left and right. What might be next to get the Doritos treatment? Here are a few ideas — although I really, really hope no ever actually makes them:
1. Burger King Doritos-Crusted Whopper
A quarter pound of beef lovingly crusted in Nacho Cheese Doritos crumbles, then grilled to perfection and topped with all the fixins’. Or something.
2. McDonald’s Doritos Egg McMuffin
In the event that you actually manage to make it to the House of the Golden Arches before they switch over from breakfast to lunch, try a McMuffin with crispy, crunchy Doritos pieces folded right in with the eggs.
3. KFC Doritos Fried Chicken
You’d be surprised what you can turn into breading for chicken if you think outside the box.
4. In-N-Out Animal-Style Doritos Fries
I’ll admit I’m not entirely sure what this one would consist of. Maybe Doritos flavoring sprinkled on top of the whole shebang? I’m open to suggestions.
5. Tim Horton’s Doritos-Stuffed Donut
It doesn’t sound so weird in comparison with the buffalo chicken donut they unleashed on the world earlier this year.
6. Dairy Queen Doritos Blizzard
Out of the many disgusting ideas I dreamed up for this post, this is the one that honestly made my stomach churn. Blech. Just…blech.
7. White Castle Doritos Bun Sliders
Grinding up a whole bunch of Doritos and replacing the flour used to create the buns with it probably wouldn’t work…but maybe it’s worth a shot anyway. Don't forget to put Harold and Kumar on before you eat these suckers.
8. Sonic Doritos-Topped Pretzel Dog
Or alternatively, a Doritos-flavored corn dog. Take your pick.
9. Long John Silver’s Doritos Popcorn Shrimp Combo
Doritos-crusted popcorn shrimp, Doritos-flavored fries, Doritos-dusted hushpuppies, and a 20-ounce drink. Add a bag of actual Doritos for an additional 99 cents.