If American Girl Dolls Were Real, Here’s What Having Dinner with Them Might Be Like

It’s no secret that sometimes I like to imagine what my favorite fictional characters might have gotten up to once they fell out of the public eye — especially when it comes to the American Girl dolls. Thankfully I’m not alone in my admittedly weird hobby, though; actor, writer, and director Lauren Ireland is right there with me, although she’s taken a much more hilarious angle than I usually do. The resulting video, “If American Girl Dolls Were Real Girls,” simultaneously fills me with nostalgia and makes me cackle with glee — because let’s face it: As awesome as the characters are, they do occasionally come across as… a little one-dimensional.

Starring Alison Barton as Felicity, Anni Weisband as Samantha (Weisband also co-wrote and directed the short along with Ireland), Betsy Kenney as Molly, Akilah Hughes as Addy, and Ireland herself as Kirsten, the video pictures these five American Girls having dinner together at a trendy new restaurant (spotted by Samantha while out on a stroll with Grandmary, of course). True to form, each doll-turned-human remains single-mindedly focused on one topic, and one topic alone, throughout the course of the meal. Felicity alternately waffles on alternately about gaining freedom for the colonies and needing to use the privy:

Molly really just wants her dad to come home and maybe some canned tomato soup:

Samantha can’t stop talking about suffrage:

Kirsten has a somewhat unsettling preoccupation with the table’s centerpiece (although as The Mary Sue points out, it does look strikingly similar to her St. Lucia Day costume’s head wreath):

And Addy… well, she’s right — they kind of did write her into a corner:

I probably can’t give the American Girl books too hard a time for their simplicity; after all, they’re meant for children. That’s not to say that children’s books can’t be deep or complex, or even that the American Girl books didn’t deal with some pretty heavy issues (because they definitely did) — but if you’re trying to talk about complicated topics in a way that eight year olds will understand, details beyond those that immediately play into the subject at hand might understandably fall a little by the wayside. But hey, it’s comedy gold when put into the right circumstances, so at least there’s that, right?

Watch the whole thing below, and look out for a surprise cameo towards the end. Does anyone else really want to know where they found the adult-sized versions of each doll’s outfit? Because those costumes are truly impressive:

Images: Lauren Ireland/YouTube (6)