Little known fact: I was briefly married to Zac Efron. He was my neighbor, actually, and after we discovered a mutual interest in "picture of paintbrush", we hit it off so fast that we actually had our first kid like five days after we met—and another three over the next few weeks! What can I say? It was a whirlwind romance. Also, uh, we might have been Sims. I bring up this secret shame because I am now forced to relive it, thanks to the release of the Sims "Honest Trailer" which is very funny and also offensive to me personally because my love with Zefron was real. IT WAS REAL.
Like a lot of people who grew up playing the Sims, I was more or less raised on it. The Sims was my first experience with the romance involved in "Woohoo" (SHE DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH LOVE POINTS YET, JEEZ) and how to commit pseudo credit fraud—two very important lessons for everyone to carry into their adult life. But this "Honest Trailer" delves even deeper into the complete and utter futility of our hours spent slaving away after the fictional people we wished we were, including the most accurate description of the game I've heard to date: "Real people make fake people do all the chores that they don't do in real life."
My own addiction to the Sims went on for too many years to count, but I remember the moment it ended. My four-year-old cousin looked up at me once, his face all full of innocence, lit up by the computer screen, and asked me, "How do you win?" I had to tell him the truth: "You don't win the Sims." I got a sudden chill in my bones. "The Sims wins you."
So here, at long last, is the video that says everything we have been too scared to admit to ourselves for years. Be brave, fellow Sims players. There is (maybe) still hope.