'Bachelor' Chris Soules Predictions For Season 19: A Very Scholarly Assessment of Chris' "Journey To Love"

We are four weeks into Chris Soules’ season of The Bachelor and so far it’s been everything I could have hoped it would be. There have been lots of tears shed over the sexy farmer, lots of, um, weird moments and — of course — lots of making out. Now that he’s down to 15 women we can start to make final Bachelor predictions and even about how things are going to pan out for Chris Soules and the remaining Bachelorettes.

The dramatic preview for The Bachelor Season 19 promised us lots and lots of crying with some pretty crazy twists — like that pregnancy test situation and tent sex-gate. Those have yet to happen on the small screen, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to seeing how it all unfolds.

This week on The Bachelor, Chris takes a bunch of girls to a lake for some swimming and hanging out. Kelsey is super annoyed because lakes in Michigan are way better than where they’re at and she’s so over it. Then someone takes their top off thus beginning the skinny dipping. Chris turns the lake date into an overnight camping trip and one of the girls sneaks into his tent for some alone time. Cue the crying! Oh — and he goes on a date with Jade too.

I don't read Reality Steve so these 11 predictions for the rest of the season are based off my knowledge of Chris and previous Bachelor seasons and how things normally go down. It's just more fun that way.

Image: John Fleenor/ABC

Chris Will Find Love

I didn’t actually have to predict this, because he told People that he is: “I’m happy to say I’m in love. That’s pretty crazy!” I mean, I know he can’t say that he’s not…but I don’t think Chris is the type to not propose at the end of all this.

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Chris Will Do A Lot Of Pondering

Chris Soules ponders more than any other human being I’ve ever encountered (on TV). He is constantly walking in open spaces (probably pretending they’re corn fields) and pondering his future. I predict that by the end of this season his face will be permanently stuck looking off into the distance at nothing.

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The Tent Sex Will Not Be Tent Sex

That tent sex scene is probably nothing. Think about it: Chris really likes to make out. It’s probably just a make-out.

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Ashley I. Will Continue To Cry... A Lot

Remember when Kim Kardashian, I mean… Ashley I. cried last week because she didn’t get alone time with Chris? Then she got alone time with him and continued to cry? I think we can expect her to cry again. And I’m not even being mean: ABC put her next tear session in the promos for godsakes.

Image: Rick Rowell/ABC

Someone Will Walk Out

No one has willingly walked out yet, meaning someone’s gotta do so soon — it wouldn’t be The Bachelor without a walkout. My prediction for Season 19? Ashley S. takes her onion and blows this popsicle stand.

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There Will Be a Billion Private Concerts

I don’t know why, but The Bachelor producers love private concerts, with musicians no one has ever heard of. We haven’t seen much of that yet, so I am predicting a few of those on the upcoming one-on-one dates. Hell, maybe on all of them.

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Chris Won't Have Sex Before The Fantasy Suite

Listen, Chris saw Juan Pablo’s season. He knows what’s up. He told Hollywood Reporter, ”I think that that’s one thing from what I saw in how Juan Pablo handled things, maybe not with the most respect for some of the women and not as much respect for the process that it deserved. I think we were very different in that regard.”

I’m fairly certain Chris Soules knows how to keep things from escalating too quickly, OK?

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Britt Won't Win

Even though he was infatuated with Britt right from the beginning, she might be a bit much for him. She definitely hugs for too long. There’s like a seven-second rule on hugs. Plus, there was that time Chris kinda spilled the beans to Jimmy Kimmel.

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The Pregnancy Test Will Send Someone Home

I can’t tell if this is one of those weirdly edited, but not that dramatic moments, but I can assume that if someone is in fact pregnant (or in need of further clarification about said potential pregnancy) they will probably head home.

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Iowa Will Be a Huge Problem

He will bring four girls back to Arlington and I’ll bet anything that one of them realizes that they don’t actually want to live there… because it’s Iowa and there’s nothing around for miles. Plus, most of his frontrunners have cool jobs that they’d have to give up to move there. It doesn’t bode well.

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Finally, Chris’ Lips Will Be Permanently Chapped

If they haven’t done so already. Chris Harrison needs to have the world’s largest stash of ChapStick somewhere just waiting for Prince Farming, because that farmer loves to make out.

Image: Rick Rowell/ABC