Chris Harrison & Chris Soules Are The Same Person

For me, The Bachelor is all about Chris... Chris Harrison, that is. Sure, in most episodes I only get to see him right before the Rose Ceremony and for one brief moment when he so unnecessarily announces that the final rose of the evening is going to be the final rose of the evening. I just have a thing for robotic but effective hosts (I think it goes without saying that Carson Daly is my favorite part of The Voice). Like Chris Harrison, I was fearful for Jimmy Kimmel to come on as guest host last week because, like Chris Harrison, I know that his job is pretty useless for about the next 10 weeks, and nothing would prove it more than bringing on an amateur Bachelor host who just so happens to also be funny and charming. But instead, the evening just proved that Chris Soules is a carbon copy of Chris Harrison.

There was nothing that Harrison brings to the table that Soules wasn't providing in his absence. Much like the amalgamation of nondescript blondes that make up about half of this season's female contestants, Chris S. and Chris H. are kind of nondescript brunette dudes with handsome faces who wear a suit well. I think Chris S.'s biceps are bigger, but now that I think about it, that could be Chris H. Ever since Harrison went back on the market I've been hoping that one day he'll announce on After The Final Rose, "And I'm excited to share with you all that next season's Bachelor is going to be... ME!" and then he'd toss a handful of rose petals over himself and disappear.

What I'm trying to say is that I think if Chris Soules has a good run on this thing, then there's a better chance that I'll one day see my Chris Harrison (aka Host Charming) dreams come true. Because they're basically exactly the same person, so if Soules can date 30 women, why not Harrison?

They Both Seem Pretty Invested in Getting Chris Soules Laid

The first thing that struck me about the Chris/Chris situation is how invested Harrison seemed to be in Soules. Sure, this is the first Bachelor season after the disaster that was Juan Pablo, so anything short of spewing venomous hatred is going to make it seem like Chris Harrison loves the guy; but I wasn't expecting quite so much encouragement of the "His house is just down the road, go on down anytime you want, there are no rules this season" variety. Obviously, Chris Soules is also pretty invested in eventually getting some, if his makeout stats are anything to go by.

They Are Ambiguously Sized

Is it just me or can you never tell what size either Chris is? Like, Chris Harrison kind of seems tiny, but also seems like he could be a very average size person. The women never seem to dwarf him, but he also always seems to shrink with each new scene in an episode. And I was convinced that Chris Soules was kind of short before he came on the show — I think he has a shorter person's face — but he seems pretty tall on the show. And sometimes he looks like the most jacked person I've ever seen (short of his pal Cody), and other times he just looks like a normal guy in a hoodie with no shirt underneath. We will never know with these two...

They're Both a Calming Presence

Mostly, Chris and Chris just have a really similar vibe about them. They're both unexpectedly confident — not exactly the most gregarious characters, but they know how to command a room and make people feel comfortable with their slow, soothing voices. My fingers are getting tingly for a rose just thinking about it.

They're Both Afraid of Jimmy Kimmel

Don't let the smiles fool you, they're terrified. Harrison is wondering why he ever let this total pro on his show in the first place just to show him up, and Soules is terrified that Kimmel is about to slip a lizard down his pants, or run inside and tell all the women how many of them he's made out with. The Kimmel episode just proved how much a little humor can do for this show, so here's my thought: Chris Harrison's Bachelor season hosted by Jimmy Kimmel. What if we saw Chris Harrison cry?

Pure. Ratings. Goldmine.