When word first spread that Jessica Lange would be leaving American Horror Story after its fourth season, I was a complete and utter wreck. I mean, this is one of the show's biggest stars that we're talking about, whose acting talents are only just beginning to be discovered and appreciated among the world's younger generations. It just didn't seem fair. But now that I've had quite a few months to absorb this rather depressing piece of information, I'm pleased to report that I'm… still a complete and utter wreck. (Do I at least get an A for effort?) And while there's a great deal of speculation floating around that Lange may change her mind and return for Season 5 after all, that is far from a guarantee, which means Freak Show's season finale, aptly named "Curtain Call," could really be her final hurrah.
But how does one go about saying goodbye to such a legend… a supreme… a Queen of Sass, if you will? It feels like there's nothing out there that would do her justice. However, Ryan Murphy always seems to have a way of surprising us, so if this truly is to be Lange's final year on the FX series, I'm sure he's got something great up his sleeve. Like what, you may ask? Well, lucky for you, I've already taken the liberty of rounding up a few predictions as to what exactly Jessica Lange's final AHS episode could possibly end up looking like…
Elsa Enjoys the Comforts of Fame
And no, unfortunately, I'm not referring to the Broadway musical. (Though that would be a pretty spectacular way to go out, wouldn't it?) I'm talking about the very thing Elsa has craved since she was first getting her kink-on back in the 1930s: being famous. Granted, she certainly hasn't done anything to deserve seeing her dreams come true, but since the majority of Lange's characters have always dreamt of achieving stardom, I suppose it would be appropriate to see one of them finally meet that goal. Perhaps she'll even get cast in a Lana Winters book-to-film adaptation about a nun who runs an insane asylum.
She Chooses Love Over the Limelight
I suppose there's always a chance that Elsa could decide that fame isn't all it's cracked up to be and decides to runaway with Massimo for a quiet and carefree life. Maybe they can even find a house made out of KNOTTY PINE.
She Goes Out on a High Note (Literally)
To be honest, I'm a little tired of the whole musical aspect of this season, however, if Elsa insists on rocking out to another David Bowie song while wearing some serious blue eye shadow, who am I to stand in her way?
It Was Only Just a Dream
Granted, I will be beyond mad if this ends up being true (don't even get me started on that Roseanne series finale), but Murphy could decide to use Lange's departure as a way to completely tie two seasons together. What if the entire premise of Freak Show is just a dream? Picture it: at the end of the episode we see Sister Jude wake up from her slumber only to realize her life as a sideshow headliner was all a fantasy and nothing more. We know Jude had a love for singing and it would certainly explain all the familiar faces that exist between Freak Show and Asylum. Not to mention that Murphy's been throwing dream sequences at us all season. Maybe this was his way of preparing us for the ultimate fake-out with Elsa Mars being nothing more than a figment of Jude's imagination. *mind blown*
A Blood Bath Will Ensue
This is American Horror Story after all, so it's only logical to suspect that Elsa will either kill or be killed by the time the curtain falls. (We've all seen what she can do with a knife.) So if Murphy really wants to make this a memorable departure for Lange, there won't be a dry (or living) eye in the house. Do your worst, Fräulein.
She Gives Us One More Great Speech
This is less of a prediction and more of a demand. I'm going to need at least one more award-winning monologue from Ms. Lange before she leaves my TV screen — no ifs, ands, or buts.
She Sacrifices Herself
All season I've been back and forth about my feelings for Elsa. Is she redeemable or just plain evil? Seriously, I've never been more confused about a character's moral compass. But perhaps that's all been done for a reason. Maybe, in the final few moments, Elsa decides to be selfless for once in her life and offers herself up as sacrifice to save another, whether it be from Dandy, Edward Mordrake, Twisty, or some other dangerous villain we have yet to meet. So many times Lange's characters have been more evil than good, so it would be nice to see her do something heroic that ends up saving the day.
There Is No Sendoff
Now that I think about it, nothing would please me more than to see Murphy not make a big deal over Lange's final scene this season. Why? Because clearly that would mean she's decided to reconsider and stay on forever (or, you know, for the foreseeable future). Because when it comes to Jessica Lange, the best kind of sendoff is no sendoff at all.