Being a Real Housewives fan says a lot about you. The devoted Housewives fan is diligent, loyal, forgiving, and no stranger to managing conflict (or flipping a table when conflict management fails them). Much like being a "real" housewife, being a Housewives fan is (kind of) a full-time job. Housewives fandom demands constant diligence, a relentless endeavor that requires you to stay up on the changing cast members, the scandals in the gossip columns, the latest alliances, and the revolving door of people that Brandy Glanville has drunkenly insulted.
We sit on our couches week after week, waiting with bated breath for the next shocking moment to be revealed. Is Kim drinking again?! Will Adriana physically assault someone this week? WHY IS AVIVA'S LEG ON THE FLOOR IN THAT PROMO?!?!
Keeping up with seven groups of Real Housewives is bound to break even the most dedicated fan, forcing women (and select few men— I'm looking at you, Dad) everywhere to pledge allegiance to their favorite series. Each Housewives series packs it own unique punch and your favorite series speaks volumes about you. So Forget astrology, forget Myers-Briggs and Carl Jung, forget tea leaves. Uninvite that psycho medium from your dinner party; you don't need her anymore! Everything you need to know about yourself is right here. The depths of your very person can become known instantly simply by choosing your favorite of the Real Housewives franchise. What do your Housewives say about you?
The Real Housewives of Orange County
You are a loyal friend who likes to see things through. Your dedication to the OC ladies shows an appreciation for the classics. You don't just jump on the latest trend, you stick with your trusty old favorites 'til the very end. You probably held on to your Blackberry for far too long, mashing away at your tiny, plastic buttons as you nervously watched your friends jump on the iPhone bandwagon.
You care about your appearance and try to go about it the healthy way. You undoubtedly drink loads of green smoothies (and Instagram them) and schedule your life around the classes at your gym. You shop exclusively at Whole Foods and you are probably gluten free. You appreciate all things organic, fresh, "clean", cruelty free, and all-natural. You know, natural— just like your boobs and your lip injections.
You claim that you hate drama but you always find yourself in the middle of things somehow. Your candor is noted by all but only appreciated by some. You are admittedly high-maintenance but you are always down to try new things, even if things don't always go as expected. Always down for a good time, you know how to have fun and wholeheartedly enjoy life, even with all its bumps along the way.
The Real Housewives of New York
The Real Housewives of New York has recently become a top Housewives contender in my book, standing out with its zany cast and the downright absurdity that occurs when these ladies get together. If you think I'm wrong, take a quick look back at the RHONY Season 6 opening tag lines and tell me that's not some straight-up reality show gold. RHONY has hosted a zany cast of characters over the years and the diehard RHONY fans are bound to be a zany, eccentric bunch as well.
If the New York series is your favorite, you're the type of person who people might refer to as a "wild card." You're always the first on the dance floor, you're always the first to suggest a round of shots. You're the girl who gets too drunk at parties and tries to dance on top of stuff, much to the chagrin of those around you.
You embody the "work hard, play hard" motto; you know how to have (too much of) a good time but you don't let that distract you from your ambitions. You're chic, you're posh, you're driven, and your eyebrows are always on fleek. You stick by your girls in the best of times and the worst of times, even when thinks get ugly and prosthetic limbs go flying. You live and love hard and, though your intensity might be intimidating to some, those who know you well know that you would do anything for the people you care about.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
You undoubtedly have a flair for the dramatic. Tamra's sarcastic ribbing on RHOC isn't enough for you, you prefer the drunken vulgarity of Brandy Glanville, who never met a curse word she didn't like. You need the shock factor, the jaw-dropping insults, and the constantly evolving feuds to satisfy your thirst for drama.
You relationship with your wine glass might be a little too healthy and you love Brandy for consistently embodying your "alcohol makes everything better" mantra. You are the metaphorical prescription pill-popping soccer mom of your generation. You grew up in a life of privilege, surrounded by others who partake in similar vices, so you're not alone. You're all about glitz, glamour, and what's on the outside, but underneath it all, you're courageous and steadfast in your beliefs, like a lioness with fake eyelashes and cheek fillers.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
If you're a The Real Housewives of Atlanta type of girl, you are a straight-up badass. You are sassy, opinionated, and you firmly believe that (brutal) honesty is the best policy. You don't have much of a filter and the ladies of RHOA have added to your repertoire of creative insults.
Though some might find you brash, people recognize your independence and strong spirit. You are motivated and successful, thanks to your "go-getter" attitude and competitive nature. You don't take well to criticism and won't back down when confronted. You are a very emotional person and struggle with suppressing your feelings— they are usually broadcasted across your face right before they come tumbling out of your mouth.
Obviously, you looooove the drama. You are a loud, exuberant character who has a flair for theatrics. If anyone is going to toss a mimosa in the face of an adversary over a heated brunch discussion, it will be you. You know you should tone down your big personality sometimes but, even in your most dramatic moments, you take pride in your strength and power as a woman. You also have secretly debated buying a wig thanks to Kim Zolciak.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
If The Real Housewives of New Jersey is your favorite, I'm trying my best to restrain my judgement. The endlessly entertaining RHONJ cast treads the line between classy and trashy on a daily basis. If you're a RHONJ die hard, you are a passionate person, characterized by a quick temper and intense emotions. You might be Italian and, if you are, everyone around you hears you talk about how Italian you are on a regular basis.Your family is your everything and you put major stock in the saying "blood runs thicker than water."
Just like the New Jersey ladies, you are very confident and sure of yourself. You are stubborn. Very stubborn. Stubborn to the point of making a fool of yourself because you refuse to back down, even when you know you're wrong. Your temper is notorious. When your friends recognize the warning signs, they run for the hills because you really know how to make a scene.
You're a bold person in all walks of life. Your skin is bold (thanks, spray tans!), you personality is bold, and your wardrobe is bold (and potentially made entirely of animal prints). Some people might have a problem with you, but you're comfortable in your own skin and you're not willing to change for anyone. You are who you are and you own it.
The Real Housewives of Melbourne
If The Real Housewives of Melbourne are your favorite, you are the most hipster of all the Real Housewives fans. You take pride in liking music before it was cool and have a distaste for anything too 'mainstream'— a distaste which you voice on every possible occasion.
You are bold and value exploration. You're not afraid to tackle the added challenge of understanding the Melbourne accent. You are one for challenge and adventure, a lover of far-off lands and exotic places. You undoubtedly have an extensive Pinterest board dedicated to adventurous places you want to visit.
You are currently trying to work Australian slang into your every day vernacular but finding it difficult to make it sound organic. Your friends look to you for details on new trends and what's about to be "in" but sometimes your insufferable, know-it-all demeanor cancels out your trendy style and personality and pushes people away.
The Real Housewives of Miami
If RHOM is your main jam, you are a firecracker and a force to be reckoned with. Hot-headed and temperamental, it's your way or the highway. You require several hours to get ready in the morning and have no qualms about making people wait on you. You are, let's face it, a pain in the ass, but people put up with your quirks because underneath your vanity lies a big heart.
You spice up the lives of those around you and there's never a dull moment when you're in the house. You might have been called "crazy" in the past but that's just because some people don't understand your fiery spirit. You are a fighter, in both the metaphorical and literal sense, and you have to watch your temper so you don't do something you might regret.
Life with you is an emotional rollercoaster but you have a zest for life that others find captivating. Your passionate spirit draws people in and, if they can withstand your high-maintenance ways, they will be rewarded with a special bond worth cherishing.
Images: Rudy Martinez, Michael Lavine, Michael Larson, Alex Martinez (2), John Tsiavis, Tommy Garcia/Bravo; Giphy (17)