Your Ultimate April Fools' Day Drinking Game

Yeah, you’re at work, but this isn’t your regular old boring Wednesday routine of Excel spreadsheets, stale coffee, and pretending to like your coworkers. Nope, today is April Fools' Day, holy day of obligation for pranksters around the globe, and none of your over-enthusiastic officemates are going to let you forget it, so you might as well muster up some holiday spirit... or spirits, at least, because I have created the ultimate April Fools' Day drinking game to get you through this hump day April Fools'! IT’S ABOUT TO GET CRUNK UP IN THIS OFFICE SPACE, Y’ALL!!

I know what you’re thinking: "But I hate April Fools’ Day, why would I celebrate it?!" Me too — which is exactly why this drinking game is so necessary. Think of this as less a celebration and more a coping mechanism. When everyone around you is high off of mischief, you’re definitely entitled to pick some poison of your own. Your only other options are to adjust your April Fools’ Day attitude, and/or execute some antics of your own. If you just can’t get pumped about this holiday, drink your way to tolerance with this exciting office drinking game! Cheers! ;)

(Disclaimer: NSFW)

1. Every time a coworker says, "April Fools' Day? My life is a joke!" roll your eyes and take a shot of vodka from your "water bottle"

2. Then nod out of empathy and recognition and take another shot, because your life feels like an elaborate joke, too

3. Every time you feel like you're being baited into a hoax or you can't understand why your Excel formula keeps coming up as an error (!!!), splash some Kahlúa into your coffee and take a calming swig

4. Every time someone tries to fool you into believing they're pregnant or posts a fake pregnancy test, take a shot for you and another one for that imaginary baby

5. Every time you think "hmm, now where can I get a positive pregnancy test on such short notice?" take a Sharpie and draw "IDIOT" on your forehead

No drink for you!

6. Every time a coworker tries to turn your desk into a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit, take a swill of cognac and make a long, drunk speech about personal boundaries and how this job was only supposed to be temporary

7. Every time scientists win April Fools' with a well-crafted gag like confirming the existence of the Force, chug a beer from the ladies' room while silently apologizing to every nerd you ever made fun of in high school

8. Take an additional shot if you were a nerd in high school

Actually take two, you deserve it — and you don't even need to be discreet about it because NERDS GET THEIR OWN OFFICES (and their own shows, cough, Tina Fey). Take that, popular table!

9. Every time you feel the slightest bit of whimsy over this psychotic holiday, drink an entire jug of sangria, and go pass out under your boss' desk until tomorrow

And that is how you play the April Fools' drinking game! Except JK, not really, because drinking at work will get you fired as fast as the weed in Seth Rogen's bong!! So probably better just keep tally until you get home tonight, and then BY. ALL. MEANS. please drink to forget this holiday of clichéd human annoyance. Am I kidding? I don't know what's real anymore... Happy April Fools' Day, sheeple.

Images: Will Vanlue, Laurence Simon (Crap Mariner)/Flickr; Giphy