A Play-Doh Movie Might Be Happening & So These 5 Things You Also Ate As A 3 Year Old Should Get Their Own Film Too
Wow, the Internet has really outdone itself today, so brace yourself: it's just been reported that a Play-Doh movie may be in the works. Yes, Hasbro thought that hot on the heels of the mega-successful Lego Movie, it was time to give those containers of rainbow-colored clay a chance at cinematic glory. And I know what you're thinking: why should Play-Doh get a film instead of any of the OTHER non-foods from our childhood that we dared to consume?
Oh, don't be self-righteous and act like you didn't eat Play-Doh as a child. With it's bright colors, soft, chewy texture and salty taste, a jar of Play-Doh was the perfect go-to snack in nursery school. I'll even respectfully acknowledge that it was, indeed, one of my favorite non-food meals as a youth. But at the same time, the fact that Play-Doh is the first of the non-food elite to get a film just an insult to some of the other glorious toys and inanimate objects we used to eat recklessly.
So Hollywood, take note, and leave no stone unturned. Here's five must-watch titles that producers should try next, based on other amazing things we put in our tiny little mouths.
Crayons: The Movie
Honestly, the fact that Play-Doh would get a film before Crayola crayons is an outrage, as crayons have been an institution in both children's playthings and things-toddlers-eat for over a century now. In fact, my dad's first favorite snack was a a pack of fresh, tasty crayons. In fact, his habit grew to the point where he once hid from his aunt with a big, delicious red stick (strawberry, yum!) and mused to himself, "Now eat crayon." By ignoring Crayola crayons, Hollywood is ignoring history, and that's really unacceptable.
Glue: The Movie
I don't know what exactly is the appeal of glue, I just know that it was always in our possession during elementary school, and a real delicacy in the early aughts of kindergarten. It literally holds our world together, how has it not gotten recognition yet? You'll find nary a person who didn't surreptitiously dine on this deliciously sticky treat at one point or another. Of course, eventually we grow tired of it, graduating to gel glue in 2nd grade, and pulling said dried glue off our hands for the rest of that year.
Dirt: The Movie
This was only for playground badasses, the toddler nonfood equivalent of whisky or an espresso. And you know what? As something that's been around literally since the dawn of time, it's blasphemous that it hasn't gotten at LEAST a trilogy franchise. Step it up, Tinseltown.
The Feet and Fingers Off Barbie Dolls: The Movie
Yeah, this one's all me, I was sort of "Daddy's Little Sadist" as a 2 year old. And don't even tell me that Barbie has more than enough movies in the works, I'm strictly talking about her chewed up appendages. ISN'T THERE ENOUGH OF A DEMAND FOR THIS?
Boogers: The Movie
... yeah, okay, I'm fully okay with this never happening.
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