12 Ways To Tell That Your Boyfriend Is A Seth Cohen Knock-Off
It's fair to say that our generation may still harbor some pent-up love for The O.C.'s Seth Cohen. His endearing nerdiness and sharp sarcasm was something to swoon over, and few television crushes compare today. So what's a girl to do? Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but it's possible that you may have manifested your Cohen crush into a real relationship with an off-brand Seth Cohen.
Now, why is this a problem? After all, we just acknowledged Seth Cohen as epically swoon worthy. However, my sweet little baby children, Seth Cohen in real life does... not have the same appeal as he does on TV. Partially because he's less prone to grand gestures of love, and partially because that amount of neuroses is a drag to deal with. And partially because, at the end of the day, Seth Cohen was a fictional character, and his unique appeal was expertly curated by an amazing team of writers. I hate to say it, but any guy in real life is going to fall short.
And, in acknowledgement of that, I'm here to help you see all the signals that you've channeled your Seth Cohen obsession into a substitution. Here are 12 signs you're settling for some cheap imitation.
1. He has nerdy childhood relics from his past lying around his apartment
With all the love and respect to Captain Oats, there's definitely a point where's it's like, "You're 27, my parents are coming over for dinner, is there ANY way you could put away your Green Lantern action figure?"
2. He constantly feels isolated in a world that's heart-wrenching and awful, despite coming from an upper-class family that's eternally lovely and supportive
This torture act doesn't really make sense, because it seems like he had the best childhood. Like, you've met his kin, they're genuinely wonderful people and they have a pool. His mother might drink a lot of chardonnay, but it's only another reason to love her.
3. He's taken you to every super hero movie, and then complained about how they're SO much different than the original books
You honestly don't care who originally created Ultron in the Avengers comics. You don't.
4. He's KIND of funny and KIND of witty
He has a sassy side, but mostly he just knows how to verbally spin a depressing truism.
5. He has a creative job of sorts, whether he has success with it is another story entirely
Seth had early success with Atomic County, and probable later graphic novels. Plus, he had that sweet RISD education to back up his talents. Your boyfriend, however, "graduated" from an Art Institute and has a day job at Bed, Bath and Beyond, although his zine raked in $3.50 last month.
6. He has only one other friend, who's the emotionless tank top-wearing type
They're together so much you initially thought they were brothers... or dating.
7. He may or may not have pursued you on OkCupid for six months before you relented
Seth had a crush on Summer for nearly 10 years before she returned his affection with apathy, revulsion, and, eventually, reciprocation. Basically, you thought you could do better, but, after you grew sick of the dating game, you gave up.
9. He has a history with Death Cab for Cutie that you just can't compete with
He hasn't let go of the remaining vestiges of his Emo phase, or maybe he's pledged allegiance to whatever horrible indie band is the Death Cab for Cutie of this time. Mumford & Sons? I honestly have no idea.
10. He comes with a DILF
And it's very plausible that you may just be dating him to get to the DILF in the end.
11. He comes with low self-esteem and a weird sense of entitlement
Remember when you two were on a break for a few months, and you were dating that handsome, smart, caring, rich guy? And he somehow showed up at EVERY PLACE YOU TWO WENT?
12. He's a Nice Jewish boy
Yeah, that one's a given.
Images: CW (2), Giphy (11)