Do you think that women who embrace their sexuality are sexy? Are you convinced that the “dudes are studs, chicks are sluts” archetype is total BS? Do you think that women should be able to wear what they way, when they want, without fear of sexual assault or harassment? It sounds like you’re a sex-positive feminist.
Sex-positive feminism started with the riot grrrl movement of the early ‘90s, in response to the feminist sex wars of the ‘80s where one side was anti-porn and the other side was like, well, let’s not condemn consensual sex acts between adults. While the movement has grown and changed a lot since that time and now means different things to different people (as tends to happen with social movements) the general idea behind sex-positive feminism is that the double standards and shame around sex, particularly for women, is an important frontier that needs to be tackled in the fight for equality.
But that doesn’t mean that sex-positive feminism is saying that everyone should be doing it, all the time. The movement has also grown to recognize that some people don’t enjoy sex or don’t want sex to be a part of their lives — and that’s OK too. However, for the purpose of this post, we’re going to talk about female identified sex-positive feminists who are into sex.
‘Cause those of us that are into it? We’re really into it. And here are five reasons why you should be into having sex with a sex-positive feminist.
1. She knows her own body and she loves it (or at least is trying really hard too).
A sex-positive feminist has taken the time to get know what turns her on — and what doesn’t. She masturbates regularly, has probably owned a sex toy or two, and knows just the right way to get herself off.
She also knows that real bodies come with imperfections, including stretch marks, scars, spider veins, and cellulite. She has spent a lot of time combatting society’s messages that her body should look a certain way and even if she’s not totally over that indoctrination yet, she’s getting there. As a result, she’ll celebrate that body by walking around naked, doing it with the lights on, and sharing it with you joyfully.
2. She’ll tell you what she wants.
Because she’s spent all of that time getting to know what gets her off, you can bet that she won’t hesitate to share it with you. If what it takes is a certain position or her touching herself while you have sex or hanging upside down from the rafters, she’ll make it happen. No more guessing or mind reading: she'll let you know what's up.
Oh, and all of those old-fashioned hang ups that women have about doing it? Yeah, she ditched those a long time ago.
3. She won’t fake it.
Faking orgasms harms both partners: one because she’s not getting off and the other because he or she isn’t learning what works and what doesn’t. A sex-positive feminist is going to tell you when her body just isn’t going to come. She’ll work with you to figure out how to get her off if that’s in the cards but if it’s not, that’s OK too. She’s not afraid to tell you to get your head down there if that’s what she needs nor is she afraid to say, “That’s OK, baby. It’s just not gonna happen tonight.”
4. She’s GGG.
GGG stands for “good, giving, and game.” The sex advice columnist and podcaster Dan Savage coined the term as a shorthand for people of all genders who are good in bed, giving to their partners, and game for anything (within reason). A sex-positive feminist GGG because she's down to explore your kinks, as long as they don’t do her damage.
Have you always had a thing for feet that you’e been scared to share? Want to try out some dom/sub play? Interested in having a threesome? She’ll be down to talk to you about all of those things but don’t make the mistake of thinking that “sex-positive” means “will do anything.” Remember: even a GGG woman still has her own desires and boundaries that have to be considered too.
5. She might watch porn with you.
While not all sex-positive feminists are pro-porn, plenty of them definitely are. She’ll be sure to let you know if she’s into it or not and if she is, she’ll probably be down to watch it with you. If you’re worried about offending her with the kind of porn you’re into, refer back to the last point about being GGG. If you’re still worried, check out the Feminist Porn Awards for some suggestions the best of the best in feminist porn. She’ll definitely be impressed when you pull up one of those films instead of the usual porntube fare.
Images: GIFwrapped (5); Kamil Gornia/Flickr