What Your Favorite Rachel Boyfriend Says About You

by James Tison

Who amongst us hasn't made some horrendous mistakes in our love lives? Finding the right person can feel like the most impossible task in the world, and nobody knew this better than Friends ' Rachel Green. Over the course of the show, Rachel dated a lot of different types of guys: Handsome foreigners (remember Paolo?), handsome neighbors (again — remember Paolo?), handsome Ross doppelgangers... She was ruling the NYC dating game, and she didn't even need Tinder to do it. Rachel loved to take risks with her romantic entanglements, and she learned a lot about herself in the process. But, not all of her boyfriends were winners. In fact, some were downright weirdos. And as such, your taste in Rachel's boyfriends from Friends is kind of like a crystal ball into your soul, er, dating life.

Remember when she dated Ross' girlfriend's dad (played by Bruce Willis), and he had an emotional breakdown on, like, their third date? Or, how about that time she dated her super young assistant, and he bought her a scooter for her birthday? Or — yikes — remember Barry? Super boring Barry who cheated on every girl he was with? Honestly, I can't blame Rachel for running from that wedding on the day of — just thinking about it makes me want to go for a jog.

Which of her many beaus was your favorite, though? Surprisingly, your favorite Rachel boyfriend can say a lot about you and your love life, so choose wisely. Don't worry, one day you'll find your Joshua/Ross/Gavin/Joey!


No, but really, what's wrong with you? You can do so much better. MOVE ON.


Danny first introduced as a really bearded guy in Rachel's building — until he shaved. Suddenly, Danny became a beautiful, shiny, hot man. Buuut, that doesn't mean he was perfect: Unfortunately, he had a borderline incestuous relationship with his sister. If Danny is your favorite, you might want to run your partner's name through a genealogy search juuuuust to make sure. Handsome isn't everything if he's your cousin!


Russ was played by David Schwimmer in prosthetics, and he was basically all of Ross' worst qualities wrapped up in one latex chin. He wasn't much more than a plot device to remind Rachel that she missed Ross, so if you're trying to tell me that Russ is somehow your favorite, you might just actually like Ross and you're not totally aware of it. (That, or you're one of those people whose ex could Mrs. Doubtfire them and get away with it.)


Tag was the handsome, much younger assistant that Rachel dated — but he was just too young to understand what she really needed in a relationship. If Tag is your favorite, then you should probably take a while to really assess what you want out of your love life.


Competitive, smart, beautiful, caring — Gavin had everything. Honestly, how did Rachel not end up with Gavin forever? If he's your favorite, then you don't need me to tell you anything about love.


If Rachel's brief, late-series relationship with Joey is your favorite, then my guess is you're the sort of person who falls a little bit in love with everyone you meet.


You're all about those classic, complicated love stories — and, like Taylor Swift crooned in "Blank Space," you only want love if it's torture, because you're holding on to the hope it'll be worth it in the end.

Trust me, folks. Rachel Green-based science does not fail.

Images: Warner Bros. Television (3); Giphy (5)