Ranking D.J. Tanner's Boyfriends On 'Full House' From Totally Unworthy To Ultimate Soulmate
Fans followed the lives of all three Tanner girls for eight whole seasons of Full House, but the only sister we really watched grow from a little kid to a full-fledged young adult was D.J. When we first met the eldest sister, she was a middle schooler with a hairspray addiction dreaming of marrying George Michael. By the end of the series, she was a mature high school senior with a chic bob and a few ex-boyfriends, much to the horror of her over-protective father Danny, as well as the always prying Uncle Jesse and Joey. Very few of the boyfriends that D.J. brought home on Full House were deemed good enough by her three father figures, and sometimes they were pretty much dead-on about that.
It's true, Deej had a few baes of the day who weren't exactly winners. Luckily, those who didn't win over the hearts of fans tended not to win over D.J.'s, either. It was a rare guy to be worthy enough to hang with the Tanner clan, and anyone who got the honor was remembered fondly by viewers everywhere. Here are all five of D.J.'s significant others, ranked from forgettable jerk to, well, I think you know.
Consider Michael a walking lesson in self-worth. D.J.'s middle school boyfriend was a total and complete jerk. The two started hanging out and eating lunch together in Season 2, and things seemed to be going swimmingly until Michael decided to become a total — word that could not be said on Full House. He dumped D.J. for her ultimate frenemy Kathy Santoni, because despite the fact that D.J. was a well-rounded, intelligent, mature human being, Michael thought Kathy was "pretty." Obviously D.J. was better off without him.
I don't think that Nelson is a bad guy — he was just totally wrong for Deej. He made up for their lack of chemistry by buying the eldest Tanner sister lots of expensive gifts, which read as just a tad shallow. Then again, if you're going to be with someone you're not exactly compatible with, I guess you might as well get a red rose bouquet out of it.
D.J.'s Season 3 boyfriend was the one responsible for her first real kiss, in an episode appropriately titled "13 Candles." Kevin would rank higher on this list if not for his inability to say no to peer pressure. In the Season 3 episode, also appropriately titled "Just Say No Way," Kevin was offered a beer by a bad influence friend and drank it. When D.J. confronted him about how alcohol is SO NOT COOL, YOU GUYS, she was caught by Uncle Jesse and received a super-stern talking to. Kevin gets points for eventually telling Jesse the truth, but too little, too late.
Is Nelson a better boyfriend than Viper in the traditional sense? Eh, probably. But the straight-laced D.J. needed some excitement in her otherwise pretty traditional life. Even Uncle Jesse came around to the idea of D.J. dating Viper, despite his reservations about the so-called "bad boy." (It takes a reformed one to know one, right?) Sure, they didn't have much in common, but I'm just going to leave this photo riiiight here:
You see why he ranks so highly now, yes?
Steve and D.J. are definitely my Full House OTP. OK, so Steve wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, and yes, he did often singlehandedly empty the Tanner kitchen, but ultimately, he loved Deej more than all of her other temporary BFs combined. The guy followed her to Disney World and took her to senior prom long after they broke up. Fingers crossed that Steve and D.J. reunite in the upcoming spinoff Fuller House. The actors looked so darn cute together when they guest-starred as a couple on The Neighbors last year.
All. The. Feels. D.J. & Steve 5ever.
Images: ABC (7) Full House/Wikia