Do you talk in your sleep? Sleep walk? Wet the bed? Whether you're great at embarrassing yourself in your sleep, or, like me, are much better at being embarrassing when you're awake and fully conscious, you'll feel this chick's pain—this boyfriend wrote down what his girlfriend said in her sleep. Verbatim. It's unfortunate. Even if you don't talk in your sleep, sometimes when you get really tired and someone starts talking to you, you'll stop making sense altogether. Like a Talking Heads album, but not. Next time it happens, have the person talking to you pay close attention to your response. Chances are it's out of whack.
Anyway, Redditor Soggybrick took it upon himself to write down everything his girlfriend said while talking in her sleep. Then he did what any logical boyfriend with a Reddit account would do: He published the list.
And we're pretty thankful he did, because this chick is hilarious. She needs more feet, more flavorful items and just wants people to stop testing her already. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK? As she slept, her boyfriend took diligent notes and tidily compiled them for us. (Not entirely sure when he slept, but I guess that's not really our problem.)
Here are a few star phrases from our favorite sleep walker:
"I can't remember why you were going to swap the apples."
Don't you just hate it when that happens? Word.
"We can't make the other one we don't have a bigger machine."
"I can't fall asleep I'll get in trouble."
(Me at my desk everyday around 3 p.m.)
"You're not worthy of my trust."
I don't think she's delusional, maybe she just knows her boyfriend's taking notes on her as she sleeps.
"I can't do anything right now I'm in the middle of cups."
Anna Kendrick feels her pain.
"I want the little clay things that are spread all around."
Also, is that a euphemism? I don't know what for. It just seems like a real possibility.
Anyway, whoever you are, girl...maybe you should start letting your boyfriend fall asleep first.