Pack your suitcase, set your light timer, and grab your current passport, because we're about to take a trip. The destination: the years 2007-2009. The agenda: We will be revisiting seasons 1, 2, and 3 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians . The reason for the excursion: Is "because watching old reality TV show clips is never not a fun time" a solid enough reason? Because that's the reason.
The first few seasons are less than a decade old, but they truly feel like something from another lifetime: Kris Jenner's aesthetic was more cozy floral print upholstered armchair than chessboard tile foyer; Scott Disick was the villain of the show; Kendall and Kylie Jenner were literal children; and the Kardashian-Jenners had not yet secured their spot at the top of Fame Mountain. ("Were we ever so young?" we mumble as we stab at plastic to-go container salads.)
I can recall countless specific moments from the more recent seasons of KUWTK: there's the legendary Todd Kraines prank phone call saga, there's any time any of the family's many dogs winds up on camera, there's Rob Kardashian's chainsaw art, and so on. However, as far as the first few seasons of KUWTK are concerned, my memory is as smoggy as the Calabasas sky. It's time to fix that. It's time to refresh my memory. It is time to begin the KUWTK: The Early Years journey.
Here are some of the best things that happen in seasons 1-3:
Kim Uses A Handbag As A Weapon (Season 1)
No Chipotle feast/gossip sesh is safe from Kim's wrath.
Kendall and Kylie Tie Brody To A Stripper Pole (Season 1)
One of Brody's charges also kicks him in the nuts. Klassic babysitting shenanigans!
Kendall & Kylie Imitate Kim & Kris (Season 2)
And—GASP!—Kim hears the entire thing.
Kris Hugs A Chicken (Season 2)
...And it goes about as well as you'd expect.
Khloe Dunks A Tampon In A Glass Of Water (Season 2)
Growth & Development: 101 is now in session.
Kris Tries Out For The LA Sparks' Ole Skool Crew Dance Team (Season 2)
Bruce is the world's greatest.
Kris Wears Halter Tops (Season 2)
Kris makes some terrific fashion choices throughout the first few seasons of the show, but my personal favorite has to be either this sassy red halter top:
Or this rich purple blouse:
Killin' it, Kristen Mary!
Khloe Has Bangs (Season 2)
If there was ever a follicle force to be reckoned with, it's Khloe's bangs.
So mayj. So gorge. So Bible.
Kim Dances In A Bathtub With Robin Antin (Season 3)
Alas, Kim's poor eyesight mucks everything up.
The Kardashian-Jenners Forget To Bring A Wine Opener When They Go Camping With Adrienne Bailon's Family (Season 3)
I would literally die out of happiness if Kris Jenner moseyed up to my campsite and asked to borrow a corkscrew.
A Chimpanzee Hits Kris With A Balloon (Season 3)
I believe what we have here is KUWTK Hall of Fame material:
It's the only GIF I need, every other GIF can pack up and go home, et cetera.
Images: E! (4); E! Entertainment/YouTube; Kristie Rohwedder/Bustle