One of the major factors in having great sex is being in the mood. But how do you get in the mood? If you’re not there, then you’re just setting yourself up for a “meh” sexual experience that can leave you thinking that you probably would have been better off rearranging your sock draw then going to bed instead of having sex. But the thing with being in the mood is once you get there you want to keep it going; you don’t want to lose steam halfway through, especially because of something that could have been prevented. Case in point: Saying something you really (like REALLY) shouldn’t have.
We all have diarrhea of the mouth sometimes. It just happens. We lose track of what’s going on, talk before we think, and suddenly we’ve taken something super sexy and hot down a tragic road of libido destruction that has no return. It’s rarely intentional, but once a mood has been destroyed it’s really hard to get back on track. Words really can kill, you guys.
So what sort of things will take you from 10 to zero in no time at all? Probably things you’re guilty of saying at least once or twice in your life. From bringing up mom to questioning the “O” face of your partner, here are 17 things you can say during sex that will make the mood plummet in a matter seconds.
1. “Is It In Yet?”
Honestly, I have asked this question once in my life. It did
not end well. Actually, it ended in a grown man on the verge of tears. But, in
my defense, I was genuinely curious because I couldn’t feel anything.
2. “What Time Is It?"
Asking this is basically code for, “I’m bored,” or that you
really have better things you could be doing, which, in some cases, could be
the absolute truth.
3. “Do You Smell That?”
Sometimes sex gets smelly! Sometimes someone accidentally
farts or bodily fluids can get all stank because of someone’s diet (asparagus, anyone?) — it could
be anything! But drawing attention to it is just a no-no.
4. “We Should Get Chinese After This.”
I live and die for crab Rangoon, too, and I’m not above admitting to the fact that there have been times where mid-sex all I could think about was what we were going to eat afterward. But yikes; it’s such a boner killer.
5. “Please Tell Me You’re Close To Coming.”
This particular statement is on par with “What time is it,” but less subtle. You are definitely putting it out there that you’re done and would like to do something else.
6. “You Have The Weirdest Orgasm Face.”
Does anyone have a pretty O face? Doubtful. So, with keeping that in mind don’t tell someone, especially when they're mid-orgasm of all things, that their face gets all weird and twisted when they climax. You’re not just ruining that moment, but possibly ruining every orgasm they’ll have going forward.
7. “Do You Always Moan Like This?”
Similar to doling out unwanted critiques of your partner’s orgasm face, questioning their moaning technique is pretty much the same. Not everyone can sound like Maria Callas when they come.
8. “Did You Call Your Mom Back Yet?”
No! Never mention mom, dad, ex-boyfriends, a boss, or an annoying coworker during sex! Who cares if you’re genuinely curious if your partner returned their call — you can ask them later!
9. “I Don’t Think I’m Going To Orgasm.”
While honesty is the best policy and one should never fake an orgasm, this line, although extremely communicative, can destroy the mood instantly. Proceed with caution on this one and make sure it’s the right moment to say it’s just not in the cards this time around. Sometimes your head is someplace else and it can stand in the way of having an orgasm – it’s totally normal.
10. “Hang On. I Have To Get This.”
Ugh. Phones, man, they ruin everything. Unless it’s Random
House calling to confirm that they’re going to publish your book for a six-figure
amount, it can wait.
11. “I Have To Pee.”
Yes, having to pee during sex can happen and it’s definitely
better to go than have an accident, but it does put a damper on the situation at
hand. Then you have to almost start over to get back to the
place you were before you scurried off to the loo.
12. “My Ex Didn’t Do It Like That.”
So maybe your ex was King of the Cunnilingus and you miss
him every effing day because of it, that doesn’t mean you need to bring him up when you’re in
bed with someone else. Talk about a mood killer and an ego murderer.
13. “I Could Really Use A Sandwich About Now.”
Unless your name is Joey Tribbiani, this will not win you any points. That’s why you have sandwiches before sex, to avoid any hunger pangs during sex. Basic math, really.
14. “Do You Hear That?”
And let the paranoia begin! Is it the neighbors spying
through the window? Did mom and dad decide to pop over for tea? Maybe there’s a
rat in the kitchen and he’s eating all your left over pizza while you bang?
15. “You Have Something In Your Teeth.”
No one wants to walk around with stuff in their teeth, but more importantly, no one wants to know that they have a green something or other in their mouth while they’re trying to be all sexy. I don’t know what’s more embarrassing: Being told mid-sex or finding out on their own after sex. I guess it depends on how close you are to your partner.
16. “Here — Let Me Do It!”
Sometimes you can be having sex with someone who can’t
really find your vagina as quick as you like or maybe they’re failing
miserably at giving you an orgasm — things happen. And while there’s nothing
wrong with taking control of the situation, try not to be snappy about it. No
one will ever know your body as well as you do, so you shouldn't fault them for
17. “I Love You.”
If it’s with your partner, totally fine! If it’s a one-night
stand and you just can’t help yourself because the orgasm was THAT good, then
we have a level of awkward from which no mood can be revived. All you can do is put your head under the pillow and play dead until they leave.
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