Your sex life with your partner can provide a lot of insight into the healthiness of your relationship. Specifically, whether or not you have a supportive partner who is interested in your pleasure. Your partner's treatment toward you during physical intimacy can reveal a lot about their emotional maturity and, frankly, whether they deserve even a minute of your time. If your partner says certain things in bed over and over, like he doesn't want to use condoms, then it might be time for you to end the relationship. Comments that pick apart your body, shame you for expressing your desires, or reveal your partner's lack of interest in your comfort and orgasm represent your partner's selfishness, immaturity, and inability to provide you with happiness and fulfillment. Do not take their obnoxious remarks lightly.In the most recent issue of Cosmopolitan, Nicki Minaj discussed the importance of the reciprocity of pleasure for women in the bedroom, or orgasm equality. Those interview comments were so exciting because the media is usually saturated with images of sex that consider female pleasure and safety to be secondary to male ejaculation. The media is also saturated with images that advocate for only one impossible type of feminine beauty. And your sex life has no room for a partner's selfishness or patriarchal beauty standards.Sex requires vulnerability and trust, so pay attention to what your partner says and how it makes you feel. If your partner says any of these seven things in the bedroom, it might be time for you to shut it down:
1. "But it feels better without a condom."
Even if you are in a monogamous relationship, you may still rely on condoms as your preferred method of birth control (or the easiest method depending on your medical history and healthcare access). You may also still rely on them for STI protection. If your partner has the audacity to pressure you into risk your safety and sexual health for their own "benefit," then you're dating a selfish f*ckboy. Please stop. Now. Would he still think it "feels better" if it resulted in carrying a person in his uterus for nine months? PROBABLY NOT, I'M GUESSING.
2. "Uh, I don't really like it if it has hair."
Brazilian bikini waxes are awesome if that's what you want to do with your body. Waxes can also be a fun, exciting change of pace for you and your partner, and I'm not advocating to shame your partner any time they express a preference. WITH THAT BEING SAID, if your partner actually turns you away or considers you unattractive simply because you are an adult who has experienced puberty, please leave their ass. Since they seem to be more interested in hypersexualized images from PornHub clips rather than diverse real world bodies anyway, then they can go have fun with that by themselves. YOU can go find someone who respects your choices, treats you like a queen, and is grateful to even see you naked at all. Also, while safely done Brazilian bikini waxes are great for those who want them, if done wrong they can be super unsanitary and cause infection. Not to mention, they can be kinda pricey. So if you're feeling pressured, until your partner coughs up money or risks infection monthly, how 'bout they just shut up and thank the Lord above for having ever seen a vulva up close.
3. "Can we skip that?"
For most women who engage in sexual intercourse without any foreplay, sex becomes incredibly painful and lacks any pleasure. If your partner even minutely cares about your well-being and fulfillment, then your partner will happily and excitedly provide foreplay to help your physical arousal catch up to your mental arousal. Of course, you should never force your partner into sexual activities, but I'm not talking about people who aren't comfortable performing certain acts. I'm talking about the egocentric clowns who just don't consider their partner's pleasure to be an important part of sex. When they refuse foreplay, or shame you for vocalizing your needs because they dislike the effort that mutual pleasure requires, then they are simply using you as a masturbatory device. If your partner can't receive pleasure from the act of giving you pleasure, END IT.
4. "Hurry up."
This is terrible for the same reasons as #3. Sex is not a race, it's a ~journey~. While it often takes women longer to become physically aroused, it also often takes them longer to reach orgasm. For those struggling to reach orgasm, it is advised that you and your partner "relax and take it slow." If your partner is more interested in achieving their own orgasm ASAP, rather than creating a safe, comfortable, loving space for you to explore your sexuality and figure out what works together, then why is this person still in your bed? Why?
5. "You could lose weight."
How 'bout your partner could recognize how lucky they are that you willingly sleep with them. No one needs to be thin to have an incredible sex life, so why are you wasting your sex life on this loser? You need to be in a relationship with someone in awe of your body's beauty, not someone who thinks patriarchal ideas of the feminine form have any business in your bed. Lose your partner, not pounds.
6. "You're too skinny."
Your naked body is a gift to yourself and to your partner, but we live in a society that convinces people that they are entitled to their partners' bodies, and thus are owed bodies of a certain shape and size. LOLOL THEY'RE NOT THO. DUMP THAT FOOL.
7. "*insert any name that isn't your own*"
I don't have to explain this one.
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