In a tweet posted Wednesday, Ryan Murphy revealed the exciting news that Finn Wittrock has joined American Horror Story: Hotel . Ever since the 30-year-old actor announced that he would be appearing in one of Murphy's three upcoming shows this fall, fans have been eagerly waiting to find out which one he would land on: AHS, American Crime Story, or Scream Queens. Given that Wittrock's spoiled psycho was the breakout character of Season 4's Freak Show, it's appropriate that he's returning to the AHS fold for another go-round. But his casting comes with a terrible decision for American Horror Story: Hotel star Lady Gaga: as Murphy stated in his tweet, "Who will Gaga choose -- Finn or Matt Bomer?"
Talk about a veritable Sophie's choice! How could anyone possibly be expected to pick between two such exceedingly fine specimens? The four previous seasons of American Horror Story have featured plenty of characters faced with impossible decisions, but this one takes the cake.
We still don't know much (if anything) about the plot of AHS Season 5, but with all this talk of hotels and ballrooms and love triangles, it's shaping up to be the show's most romantic iteration yet. (Perhaps Hotel will take some cues from famous gothic romances like Rebecca or Bram Stoker's Dracula.) So who will Gaga go gaga for? Let's examine her options:
Wittrock exploded onto the scene last year as pampered rich kid-turned-serial killer Dandy Mott. That's both a point for and against him. In the "pros" column, he'll already be a fan-favorite presence on the show going into Hotel. On the "cons" side, though, it's probably going to take a while for audiences to separate Wittrock himself from the creepy character he so expertly crafted last season.
If Wittrock has youth on his side, then Bomer has experience. (It's not like the 37-year-old Golden Globe winner is THAT much older than the 30-year-old Wittrock, anyway.) Bomer also made his AHS debut in last season's Freak Show as hustler Andy, who (ironically enough) became one of Dandy Mott's very first victims. It's obviously easier to root for the hustler-with-a-heart-of-gold than it is the sadistic freak who killed him, so perhaps Gaga should choose Bomer. Then again, Andy proved pretty defenseless against Dandy, so perhaps she should reconsider if she hopes to make it out of the Hotel alive.
Knowing Ryan Murphy, the choice won't be as simple as either/or. In the wild, anything-goes world of American Horror Story, it's easy to imagine this tension between Gaga/Wittrock/Bomer leading to some sort of twisted trio. They could be like Bonnie & Clyde & Clyde, terrorizing the other residents of the titular tavern. Or they could be some erotic version of Nancy-Drew-meets-both-Hardy-boys while solving the mystery of whatever shenanigans are going on in the Hotel.
Of course, Lady Gaga could simply remove herself from the equation and allow Wittrock and Bomer to go at it by themselves. Sort of how that threesome in Alfonso Cuarón's Y tu mamá también eventually devolved into Gael García Bernal and Diego Luna just making out with each other. Honestly, I'd be OK with this option — besides, there are plenty of other gorgeous men in the cast Gaga could pursue: Evan Peters, Cheyenne Jackson, Max Greenfield... take your pick! (Man, this is a good-looking cast, isn't it?)
Images: Getty Images (2); Michele K. Short/FX; vanessaivess/tumblr