Weird But Amazing Jon Snow Theories
Warning: Spoilers ahead. Though it’s been nearly a week since it aired, the sting of that last scene of the Game of Thrones Season 5 finale continues to linger, like multiple dagger stabs to the gut. Jon Snow is dead. ...Or is he? Those who have read George R.R. Martin’s novels are fairly confident viewers shouldn't be too worried about J.S.'s glazed-over eyes or that sizable dragon-shaped pool of blood; the books hint at Jon Snow resurrection theories involving Melisandre the Red Witch, Ghost the direwolf, the White Walkers, Azor Ahai, the R + L = J thing, and so on. I have not read the books, but as far as I’m concerned, each of those theories is as plausible as the last. This is the show where a witch gave birth to a shadow, so consider my mind open to just about anything. You could tell me Jon Snow is really Keyser Söze, and I'd be like, "Sounds reasonable."
On that note, there are some less conventional theories that have made their way onto the Internet. Some really weird, really delightful, really creative theories. I love weird theories, so yeah, these are my favorite theories. Not to knock whatever may or may not happen in the books or on the show, but the theories below are the theories I'm rooting for.
Ready to wade into the weird theory waters, not unlike that chill Giant who casually sauntered into the sea after the Hardhome battle? Onward!
Jon Snow's hair renders him invincible:
I buy it.
Jon Snow will The Ring us all:
Now, THAT's a twist that would break the Internet!
Jon Snow will become the Moaning Myrtle of The Wall:
"The Wall won't stop weeping. Too many armies have been rendered defenseless by the ghost of The Wall's tears. We must turn back."
GoT is Pokémon:
UHHH I LOVE THIS. Daenerys is Ash Ketchum. Drogon is Pikachu. Cersei and Jaime are Team Rocket. Arya is Misty. I could do this all day.
Jon Snow is actually a grizzly bear:
"Winter is coming. You know what that means. Ol' Jonny Snow is about to load up on snacks and take a big nap!"
Jon Snow and the White Walkers will paint the town red, er, white:
Who knew the White Walkers were such party people?
Next season, "A" will terrorize the denizens of Westeros:
The crossover of my dreeeeeams.
Jon Snow is actually a houseplant:
He'd be the hottest houseplant ever! (Ugh, too far. I take it back.)
Jon Snow will be resurrected as a Disney princess:
I can see it now: Melisandre brings back Jon Snow only to poison Jon Snow White with an enchanted apple.
Health insurance will save the day:
Huh. Maybe the Night's Watch offers benefits? Stranger things have happened on the show. I wonder what the deductible is.
Season 6 of GoT will be Hodor's season:
CROSSING MY FINGERS. HODOR FOREVER.
Okay, one more theory about Jon Snow's "death":
Images: Helen Sloan/HBO; nerdinja/tumblr