7 Emotional Stages Of Being Fancy On A Plane If You've Convinced Yourself You're Megan Draper
I've never quite gotten the emphasis put onto dressing up for the airport. I'd see celebrities splashed inside magazine pages, caught in high heels and crisp blazers, with headlines that shout, "Now this is how your airport travel style should look!" Articles urge us to come out of the terminal with something akin to our prom dress on, and I can't even count how many pieces I've read that share tips on how to keep your face looking dewy and like something off of a spring runway. Hint: It's got something to do with spritzing yourself every five minutes in the tiny airplane bathroom.
Why would we go through all this effort to look decent in a crammed space that we're stuck in for a handful (or if you're going international, an obscene amount) of hours? Have we all forgotten what it actually feels like to be buckled in for most of the day? Hint: It's got nothing to do with high heels and everything to do with your most worn-in pair of yoga pants.
But alas, sometimes we forget and fall victim to vanity. What are we left with then? A good portion of the day fidgeting and wishing the gods had intervened and led us towards the sweatpants. Below are the emotional stages of taking an intercontinental flight in style, with all the ups and the downs!
Stage 1: Smugness
You're standing at the kiosk and waiting for the screen to load, the bangles on your wrist jangling as you switch your duffel back to your other arm. Smoothing down the skirt of your ikat maxi dress, you take a discreet peek around you and smile with a touch of smugness. Look at these plebians. Decked out in their Lululemons and Old Navy flip flops. Where are they all going to, a bikram yoga retreat? Not you. No, you've got yourself some style, with your gladiator sandals and your stylish maxi.
Maybe someone will mistake you for a B-list celebrity? Slipping on your sunglasses, you walk away hoping.
Stage 2: Steadfastness
You find your seat on the plane and clamber in. You may or may not have stepped on your hem a few times as you tried to climb over the woman already napping in the middle seat, but that's OK. You sit down with a plop and find it a little irritating that you sat on your dress wrong and now it's uncomfortably wrapped around you. You adjust yourself and in the process stand on your hem again. Gritting your teeth, you put on your neck pillow, pretending you're not getting the least bit annoyed.
Stage 3: You Start Disrobing
It almost happened without you noticing. Every time you lifted your hand to change the volume on your movie, your bangles would jangle, crashing into each other with every move. Usually you never even notice the sound, but right now they sound like a pair of cymbals. Without thinking, you pull the lot off, trying not to clench your teeth in irritation. Stuffing them into your seat, you feel like you could finally breathe again. Little do you know, this is only the beginning.
Stage 4: You Can't Find A Comfy Spot
Into hour four, you start to fidget. Your want to kick off your sandals, but they're currently roped up your calf. Reaching over and undoing them is more bother than it's worth. You want to bring up your legs and curl up in your seat, but you're wearing a dress so scratch that. And your lacy bra is digging into your back at this point, doing its best to cut off your circulation. You glance over at the girl wearing leggings and a Northface — comfortable as she pleases — and try not to bare your teeth. Whatever, this outfit is so worth it.
Stage 5: Bathroom Time
Right, so, Victoria Beckham said it's imperative that you freshen up in the restroom every hour (wait, was it her? Well, someone important said it). And so you gather up your dress and get ready to crawl over the row of people to the aisle. After mumbling a few sorrys you clamber through, armed with your makeup bag and ready to get things into place.
You walk into the bathroom and immediately the hem of your dress dips into some unidentified spill on the floor. Staring at your horrified reflection in the mirror, you hope it's just water from the sink. Taking a deep breath, you unzip your bag and begin to pull out your tools, preparing fluggy brushes, rich lipsticks, and a misting spray. Wanting to feel reinvigorated, you close your eyes and spritz... and nearly stumble into the toilet when you jump at the abrasive spray.
Right, screw this, you're going back outside.
Stage 6: You Daydream About Your Sports Bra
Remember those embarrassing sweatpants you own? You know, the pair you still have from your high school's gym class? What would you give up to be wearing those right now? All your savings in your 401(k)? Your first born son? Your youth? No price would be too steep to be sitting in those right now. And can you just imagine having a sports bra on right now? You fidget with the fancy underwire of the one you're wearing right now, trying to decide if you could pull an Alex Owens from Flash Dance and take it off from underneath your dress.
Probably not but, truth be told, you're passed caring.
Stage 7: Lessons Have Been Learned
You're eight hours into this flight and your hair is pulled up into a messy bun, you're cranky in your ridiculous dress, and you feel the way you look. Even with your fancy duds, you still look like a person that has been traveling for hours on end. Because, duh, you've been traveling for hours on end. Sending out a silent thank you to all the gods in the sky when the pilot announces you'll be landing in a few minutes, you vow to have a private bonfire with your dress once you get home.
Lessons have been learned. When traveling for long amounts of time, comfort is the only key!
Images: AMC; Giphy (7)