There are a lot of things to make fun of as far as The Bachelor/Bachelorette are considered. However, there is nothing I enjoy mocking more than this season's creepy obsession with Brady and Britt's relationship (it takes all my writerly restraint to not put relationship in sarcastic quotation marks there). I feel so strongly about this one that I decided to compile a list of all the reasons why Britt and Brady won't stay together. ABC, stop trying to make Britt and Brady happen. It's not going to happen.
In case you haven't been paying attention, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette don't have a very good roster of successful relationships to brag about. From the start, the Britt and Brady thing has felt phony to me. The show has been so in your face about their relationship and it just feels like they're trying a little too hard to make us pull for them.
Also, I just don't find it necessary to see a boring Britt/Brady recap every week as the credits roll. Like, is Kaitlyn not funny enough to have good blooper footage to show us instead? But I digress. Britt and Brady aren't going to stay together. I'm calling it now. And here's why.
This Is The Bachelorette We're Talking About Here
Come on, guys. The Bachelor's dating track record is even worse than Taylor Swift's.
Their Relationship Seems Phony
Talk about a Showmance. There's definitely something fishy about this one. It just feels so forced. Like, I don't need anymore talking heads of them insincerely gushing about how happy they are.
Long Distance Blows
I recently got out of a relationship and we dated long distance for two years. Let me tell you, it was awful. Feeling like you're not a real part of your significant other's life sucks.
Brady's A Little Creepy
I'm all for a sensitive guy but Brady just weirds me out a bit. He's a little too... Tony... for my tastes. Just imagine how much those two must cry combined.
Britt's Mom Knows Brady's In The Friend Zone
Britt's mom was all, "oh, your friend seems nice." Mama knows best.
They Don't Seem Like They Have Chemistry
You gotta have that sizzle to make a relationship work (especially a long distance one) and these two just don't seem to have that spark.
Images: ABC (screenshot); Giphy (6)