10 Things You Shouldn't Be Afraid To Do In Bed, Because You're Definitely Sexy Enough To Keep The Lights On
Sometimes, it can take a lot of work to feel comfortable in bed and have good sex. Half the struggle is just finding an attractive person you're sexually compatible with, but the rest of it is found in the sweat and tears that come pouring out in the bedroom. And sometimes, we're so focused on doing a good job that we become self-conscious about every little thing we do.
All the erotic media we consume sends the message that you're not having sex the right way if it doesn't look, sound, and feel completely perfect. By now, most of us know that real-life boning is a lot less graceful and a lot more gross than we'd hoped, but that doesn't always stop us from holding ourselves back in an effort to make our sex flawless. The problem is that reining in your most carnal desires can actually make sex worse for both you and your partner ... and worse, it can permanently damage your attitude towards doin' it.
While doing something like using a sex toy in bed is a good first step, you should strive to feel comfortable being 100 percent you while naked with someone else, too. It's time to shed your shame and insecurities along with your clothes, (wo)man up, and get rid of any fears you have about pulling these moves in bed.
1. Trying Something New
A five-minute visit to the deeper parts of the Internet (or just your grocery store magazine section) will reveal that there's a whole ton of sexy stuff that you've probably never even thought of. So why not try it out? If you've always had a specific fantasy, or even if you just want to see if a penis will fit into a vagina if you try out that position, bring it up with your partner. The worst thing they can say is "no," and the best thing they can say is, "Oh god YES! YES! YES!"
2. Dressing Up
Have you always secretly (or not so secretly) wanted to try out a sexy maid outfit, but refrained from doing so because you didn't think you'd look nearly as good as the bombshell modeling it? The truth is that thanks to the wonders of digital editing, even the model in the catalog doesn't look like the model in the catalog, so there's really no reason that your sexy bod would be unworthy of a sultry costume or lingerie ensemble. Sure, it can be a little intimidating the first time you try it out, but since your partner's going to want to rip it off you as soon as possible, you won't have to wear it long anyway.
3. Saying "No"
We all kinda want to be the Coolest Sexual Partner Ever, but even the coolest of us have our limits. Sex should be a good time for all parties involved, so even if your partner wants to do something a bit more extreme, it doesn't mean you have to agree with it. Deciding to hold off on anything sexual, whether it be forever or just for tonight, doesn't make you bad in bed — it just makes you a human being who's comfortable setting boundaries.
4. Kiss Or Be Kissed After Oral
I'm not suggesting you drink a glass of cum before you go to bed every night, but seriously, a little bit of post-oral fluid exchange probably won't do you any harm. A 2007 study by LovingYou.com revealed that 44 percent of men and 67 percent of women love kissing after both giving and receiving some tongue lovin', but some people get really freaked out over the idea of tasting themselves. If your human juices are so foul that even you aren't willing to chance coming into contact with them via your partner's lips, it's a pretty rude move to expect another person to go down on you.
5. Get Messy
Got laundry detergent? Put it to good use by making a real mess of things in the sack. Sex is pretty sticky and wet by nature, so adding a bit of chocolate syrup or body paint to the mix won't hurt anyone ... but it does make things a lot more fun. Laying a few old sheets down will prevent any lasting damage to any surfaces you really care about. And best of all, it's the perfect excuse to wash each other off in the shower after you're done.
If you never assert yourself in bed and still manage to orgasm every time, please teach me your ways so I can stop wasting my breath. Until then, the rest of us will have to summon the courage to actually tell our partners what we like in bed without letting adjectives like "bossy" and "demanding" even enter our minds. A good partner will want to please you, so telling them how they can do it won't only help you enjoy sex more, but it will also help the person on the other end feel better knowing that what they're doing is exactly how you like it.
7. Leaving The Lights On
What a boring thing sex would be if we all looked the same underneath our clothes. It's perfectly fine to have insecurities. We all do. But leave them at the door along with your underwear when it comes time to get it on with another sexy person. Just as you probably (hopefully) want to see your partner's body in all its glory, they want to see every curve, dimple, and freckle that makes you you. Plus, there's nothing sexier than a person who's confident enough to show off all they've got.
8. Making Some Noise
The sounds I make during sex would probably be enough to land me a role in the next Jurassic Park movie. As a non-human. Hopefully being trained by Chris Pratt and his biceps. Anyway. Most of us do not sound like porn stars when we start to really enjoy what's going on between our legs, but that doesn't mean we need to keep our mouths shut. While screaming your partner's name at the top of your lungs might not help you make friends with your neighbors or roommates, it's totally fine to release whatever sounds decide to spring to your lips in the heat of the moment ... as long as you don't end up disturbing the peace, of course. Who cares if the volume or pitch isn't up to society's standards of "sexy?" It's your moment, and your vocal chords should enjoy it as much as your genitals do.
9. Dominating (Or Being Dominated)
You don't stop being a feminist just because you like to be spanked and called a "slut" in bed, and you don't start being a violent criminal if you get your partner's consent to tie them up and gag them. Taking on a more dominant or submissive role in bed isn't just acceptable — it's normal. As long as you get the OK from your partner and establish a safe word, there's no reason to be ashamed of your sexual power preferences.
10. Having Sex
It's 2015, people still think the number of people you've hooked up with is an indication of what kind of a person you are, and that makes me sad. No one should feel like acting on a perfectly natural desire is shameful, but unfortunately, not everyone has such an open mind about open legs. If you want to do someone and they want to do you, then just go for it. And while you're doing it, just remember that while you're having sex with a sexy person, everyone who hates on you for doing so can go screw themselves.
If you'd like to take a trip down memory lane, watch the sex myths you believed as a child below (and subscribe to Bustle's YouTube page for more videos):
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Images: Robert & Mihaela Vicol/ Wikimedia Commons; Giphy (10)