Ways To Tell If You're The Joey

by James Tison

Some of your friends are Monicas: strong-willed, obsessive compulsive, and occasionally shrill. Others are Chandlers: nerdy and insecure, but you love them anyway. Then there are the Joeys of your friends: lovably dim-witted, overtly sexual, and just a little behind everyone else. If you're thinking to yourself, I don't have any friends like that, then there's a distinct possible that you, in fact, are the Joey of your real-life Friends group. If you're now thinking, I'm not the Joey! You're the Joey! Shut your face!, then take a minute to look over this patented, highly scientific Friends personality checklist (I made it with ~science~).

For the record, being a Joey isn't a bad thing. Sure, he was about as smart as a bucket of semi-sentient rocks, but he had so much love to give. Plus, he had a very active sex life and even found reasonable success in his career, so it's not like he was a total loser or anything. There's nothing wrong with being a Joey, it just means that things like reading and personal hygiene are kind of moot points for you. That's OK! After all, where would Chandler be without the support of his best bro? Who would Rachel have dated after things fell apart with Ross for the seventeenth time? Who would be Phoebe's backup groom if she wasn't married by 40?

Here are seven questions to consider if you're thinking that you might, indeed, be a bit of a Tribbiani.

Do You Feel More Emotions About Food Than You Do About People?

Not only are you a Joey, but you also eat your emotions.

When You're Friends Are Talking, Are You Listening To The Conversation Or Thinking About Sports?

Yo, people are talking, dude. Pay attention.

Do You Have Issues With Impulse Control Or Delayed Gratification?

Seriously, it's fine. No judgments. It's just that you're definitely a Joey, so don't fight it. That's all I'm saying.

Do You Have One Friend In Particular To Whom You Are Codependently Devoted For Life?

To be honest, being a Joey is a lot like being an Ilana from Broad City, and that's a pretty rad category to fall into, as well.

Do You Have A Flirtatiously Creepy Catch Phrase?

It's cute, but it's potentially not as cute as you think it is.

Do You Regularly Hit On Close Friends Using Said Catch Phrase?

It's less cute, and definitely not as cute as you think it is.

Do Whimsical High Jinks Ever Run Away From You Because You Didn't Think Everything Through?

Like, if you've ever been afraid of drowning because the tide was filling up a giant hole you dug and then got trapped in, then all I'm saying is you're not the Ross that you think you are.

Images: Warner Bros. Television; Giphy (7)