Chrissy Teigen Says She Hasn’t “Fully Processed” The Loss Of Her Son Jack

With her pregnancy loss and bullying scandal behind her, Chrissy Teigen wants fans to know that she’s still feeling down. In an Instagram post from Sunday, Aug. 22, the Cravings cookbook author reminisced on simpler times when she was living in New York. And after looking back at husband John Legend’s basement apartment and recalling their many outings to Frank’s Restaurant in the East Village, Teigen admitted that she still hasn’t “fully processed” losing their son in September of last year.

Alongside a photo of the pair laughing and smiling inside a booth at the restaurant, the 35-year-old author revealed that they’ve been loyal patrons for over 13 years now. “We used to live just a couple blocks away,” she revealed before admitting that she used to “sneak cigarettes” through the small window at Legend’s apartment and spend her time eating and day drinking alone at the bar in Frank’s. “I would never ever miss a Thursday,” she wrote. “Thursday was lasagna verde day.”

After describing the “bubbling, piping hot dish of cheesy lasagna with the toastiest edges you could ever wish for,” Teigen admitted that she was “basically a functioning alcoholic” at the time and would sit there with “multiple double vodkas and get day drunk.” “Anyhowwwww just reminiscing about New York a lot lately, when things were simple, thinking about all the stuff I’ve done and been through not just this year but in my life,” she continued, adding that she’s been feeling “slightly down lately.”

Teigen said that her sadness was triggered by her upcoming cookbook, All Together: Recipes to Love. “It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out ‘my third baby is here!!’” she wrote. “Then [I] realized my third baby will never be here.” The Lip Sync Battle host also admitted that she threw herself into the book to avoid dealing with the loss of her son. “I don’t really feel like I fully processed Jack and now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just…there, waiting to be acknowledged,” she wrote. “I guess what I’m saying here is life is so f*cking complicated. And get the lasagna??? Wow this was a rollercoaster !!!!!”

Teigen and Legend revealed that they lost Jack in an emotional Instagram post last October. Alongside a series of black-and-white photos from the hospital, the couple shared the shock and “deep pain” of losing their son, explaining that doctors were “never able to stop the bleeding and give [their] baby the fluids he needed.” “To our Jack — I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn't give you the home you needed to survive,” Teigen wrote. “We will always love you.”

Later that month, the Lip Sync battle host published a candid essay about her pregnancy loss on Medium. “Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see,” she wrote. “Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky.”