Planning A First Date On Valentine’s Day Has The Internet Divided

As far as holidays go, there’s nothing chill about Valentine’s Day. If you’re in a relationship, you likely have big expectations for celebrating with your partner. And if you’re single or dating someone new, the weeks leading up to Feb. 14 can feel even more intense as you figure out how to navigate it all.

Will your crush ask you out? Will you find a date? And if you do, is it OK to go on a first date on Valentine’s Day? On TikTok, the latter has people divided. While some say Valentine’s Day could make for a fairytale-level first date, others think it puts way too much meaning on a first meet-up, and both sides are making good points.

On the app, @saphibartlett shared a video getting ready for a Valentine’s Day first date a couple of years ago. “How intense is that?” she asked, while doing her makeup. In her comments, someone assured her it would be fine — and potentially even more than fine. “Me and my husband had our first date on valentines day 20yrs ago this year,” they said, hinting that she could be in for a magical night.

Meanwhile, when @yourcorpbff went on a first date on Valentine’s Day, her therapist, sister, and Uber driver all told it her it was a bad idea. Here, a relationship expert breaks down the viral debate.

Valentine’s Day First Dates

First dates are already anxiety-inducing enough, so as you sit amongst the couples kissing and holding hands, it can put a lot of pressure on you and your date, too. Shan Boodram, Bumble’s relationship expert, says you should only plan a first date for Feb. 14 if you go in with a very specific mindset.

“If you’re someone who is genuinely mindful, meaning you can stay present, experience things as they are, and not get swept up in symbolism, then it’s not inherently a problem,” she tells Bustle. “You can enjoy the date for what it is without turning it into something bigger than it needs to be.”

But if you’re someone who’s already planning your wedding on the ride home from dinner, a Valentine’s Day first date might not be a good idea. “You might attach meaning to the date itself and start looking for signs that this person is ‘the one’ simply because your first date happened on a holiday that already carries so much romantic symbolism,” Boodram says. “That can lead people to stay longer [in a relationship] than they should, not because the connection is strong, but because the story feels compelling.” The pressure can also cause something good to fizzle too fast, simply because you’re both overthinking.

Since Valentine’s Day falls on a Saturday this year, and it might realistically be the only day you can meet up with a new match in the near future, Boodram says that timing offers a reasonable excuse to grab a quick drink on the “big” day. “Honestly, if I had to make a general recommendation, I’d much rather see someone spend Valentine’s Day with friends, family, or even alone than with a stranger,” she says. “Valentine’s Day is meant to celebrate love in its many forms, and celebrating it with someone you don’t love and barely know wouldn’t personally be my idea of the best use of that day.”

Going Out On V-Day

If you must meet your match in the coming weeks, and ultimately decide to go out on Feb. 14, try to keep a few things in mind. Even if you’re excited about having a date for V-Day, Boodram recommends keeping the meet-up as unromantic as possible. Instead, go on a date that will allow you to show off who you are, so it’s easier to connect with the other person.

If you love music, see a band, stop by a record store, or meet for coffee and swap playlists. If you’re outdoorsy, walk in the park or ice skate. If you’re artsy, meet at a museum or gallery and stroll around. It’s a way to go out on Feb. 14 without the pressure to perform, she says.

Avoiding the V-Day hot spots is key. That means no candlelit restaurants or jazzy bars. If you went to one, Boodram says you might be asked if you’re a couple, be subtly pushed to perform a relationship that doesn’t exist yet, or even feel as if you need to have a premature “what are we” convo. To avoid it all, she suggests choosing curiosity-driven versus couple-coded spaces for a first date.

And hey, if you already find yourself feeling unsure as you look ahead to the holiday, that’s important info, too. “It could be a sign that waiting 24 hours for a more casual day would actually serve you better,” she says. “Valentine’s Day comes with a lot of built-in pressure, and if you’re someone who’s sensitive to that, there’s nothing wrong with opting out.” If you have just met someone, or aren’t sure if you’re ready for a date, Boodram says a cute “Happy Valentine’s Day!” text will suffice.

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Shan Boodram, Bumble’s relationship expert