There's no doubt about it: I'm a '90s kid. I love me some '90s goodness. If the mood is right, I'll happily pop on some old episodes of Boy Meets World while snuggling with my Beanie Babies in my Lion King pajamas while eating Snackwell's cookies. We as a culture are actually having a very hot '90s moment right now, but you know what? The one thing that shouldn't happen are the remakes and revivals of '90s television. Literally any and every show should not be up for grabs right now and yes, I'm about to detail in full as to why this is true. Buckle up, kid, because you're about to get schooled.
There's been a lot of '90s reboot and revival talk going around lately. Faster and faster, the revival wheels have turned. Just looking ahead to the future, we have revivals of Roseanne, Twin Peaks, Charmed, The X-Files and Will & Grace waiting for us later in 2017 and in 2018. What gives? All of this revival nonsense is too much for me. As much as I love '90s television, I see no reason to revive it when it's just as useful to re-watch old episodes of any given show. These stories ended for a reason. We said goodbye to these characters for a reason. Why dredge it all up again?
I can practically hear you sighing in annoyance right now, so let's just take a moment to really analyze why the '90s revivals need to stop immediately.
1. Nobody Asked For These Remakes
I'm sorry but the last time I checked, nobody was asking for a metric ton of '90s revivals. Sure, it was cool when 90210 got the CW treatment. But was anyone really dying for more Twin Peaks? Roseanne? Will & Grace? Nope.
2. It's Called "Nostalgia" For A Reason
Sometimes we just need to let nostalgia stay in the past where it belongs. There's no need to bring it out of retirement just because peak TV isn't satisfactory right at this very moment.
3. Rarely Does A New Storyline Work
When you revive a show that is so steeped in the brains and hearts of a fandom it's remained present in the pop culture conversation, there's a chance that the revival will not meet viewer expectations; the constant chatter has a way of keeping the show fresh already. One infamous example was the 2016 X-Files revival, which earned poor reviews (but for some reasons a new season is coming our way?).
4. It's Futile Fan Service
As previously mentioned, the lasting fandoms around various '90s shows risk getting in the way of a decent stab at a revival. Have you ever loved something so much that it becomes the gold standard against which you judge everything else? Has your undying loyalty to something original ever managed to taint your opinion of future sequels, episodes, installments, or reboots? it's a big problem.
5. No Shade, But Aging Actors Really Take You Out Of It
I'm not trying to be a shady lady, but people age. Some lines and jokes just don't land the same way they used to 20 years ago. There's always a chance that reviving material is best for a particular actor, as was the case with Girl Meets World.
6. Plenty Of Other Television Shows Deserve A Shot
We're living in the era of peak television. You mean to tell me that there aren't plenty of spec scripts or interesting television ideas waiting to be scooped up? Keep trying.
7. You're Only Going To Want More '90s Revivals
Watching a '90s show revival is like eating Pringles: You can't have just one and that's a dangerous habit, my friend.
8. Who Has The Time To Rewatch A Show?
Let's not kid ourselves: if a network is going to reboot a show, then you'll probably want to rewatch the entire original series. I know we like to think we could, but who has the time to sit down and binge multiple seasons of a show?
9. The '90s Are Great, But They're Not That Great
I love the '90s. I was born in the '90s. The '90s and I get along swimmingly. That doesn't mean I want the '90s surrounding me from all cultural angles in 2017.
10. Spend Time Investing In A New Television Show
Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, HBO Go: These are just a few of the streaming platforms chock-full of new television shows ready for your viewing pleasure. Go watch 'em now.
11. You Will Ultimately End Up Dissatisfied Post-Remake
You know you'll be dissatisfied. Whatever new '90s revival comes your way, it won't be as good as you remember it. I hate to break it to you, but it's true.
Listen, I know this has been a rough round of tough love, but I know you'll thank me one day. For now, I can only recommend you watch two episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to ease the pain.