Here's What Relationship Experts Actually Do On Valentine's Day

by Natalia Lusinski
BDG Media, Inc.

With Valentine's Day coming up soon, you may be brainstorming on what to do for the holiday. Whether you're single or in a relationship, some people feel the day ignites a lot of pressure — now's the time to think of the best date ever for your partner — while other people feel it's NBD and they're happy ordering a pizza and watching their favorite rom-com... or horror movie. In any case, whatever Valentine's Day camp you fall into above — making it into a big deal or not — you can still make it a memorable day. To get some perspective on what to do, below, relationship experts reveal their plans for Valentine's Day, and you'll probably be able to relate to some of them. After all, they live and breathe other people's relationships day in and day out, so whether they're single or coupled up, it's interesting to see how they'll handle the holiday that's often deemed to be the most romantic day of the year.

"Personally, while I do wish my wife a 'Happy Valentines Day!' we don't necessarily feel pressure to do anything extra or special on that day, per se," Shlomo Zalman Bregman, Rabbi, matchmaker, and relationship expert, tells Bustle. "We always spend a few hours together each day, so there's no special need for us to do anything differently on February 14. Sorry if it sounds cheesy or lame — but it's true! I think that if your relationship with your partner is precious to you, then you should be able to find time for them regularly. Everything that is truly vital in life — breathing, eating, the need for exercise, etc. — is not done only once a year!"

Whether you're in a new relationship and want to do something low-pressure or you're looking for unique Valentine's Day date ideas, you really can't go wrong as long as you do something that you truly want to do. And now, you'll see what 11 relationship experts are doing for Valentine's Day. One thing is for sure: You'll likely see you and your date in some of the ideas.


We'll Get Away

Ashley Batz/Bustle

"My husband's birthday is on Valentine's Day, so we double the celebration by doing something extra nice. This year we are getting away to a hotel in Dallas (The Joule), because getting some distance from our responsibilities at home helps both of us feel more seen and valued, and makes the sex more connective and pleasurable." - Celeste Holbrook, Ph.D., sexologist, author, and speaker


We'll Boycott Valentine's Day

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

"My husband and I do not celebrate Valentine's Day. We decided a long time ago to boycott Valentine's Day because we want to celebrate our relationship on a day that is meaningful to us — not predetermined by someone else." - Dr. Suzana Flores, clinical psychologist, and author of Facehooked: How Facebook Affects Our Emotions, Relationships, and Lives


We'll Attend A Relationship Workshop


"This year, my husband and I are attending a really amazing two-day relationship workshop in Raleigh, NC called 'Hold Me Tight.' It is geared toward couples who are looking to deepen and strengthen their communication and emotional connection with each other. It is based on attachment theory and the modality (called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy), which is what I use with my own couples. I witnessed so many couples making incredible changes within their marriages by taking the workshop, and I am excited to experience it myself." - Irina Baechle, LCSW, Relationship Therapist and Coach


I'll Read A Good Book

Ashley Batz/Bustle

"My Valentine's Day plans are to stay in and read a good book. I am not dating at all at the moment and am loving the break and attention I have towards myself. We have many incoming requests at the moment and I am focused on work and helping my clients reach their dating and relationship goals." - Isabel James, Founder of Elite Dating Managers, matchmaker and relationship coach


We'll Make Milk Bottles For Our Baby


"With two small children, four years of broken sleep, and hardly a spare 10 minutes, my wife and I hope to sit down for a meal together with a glass of wine and share a conversation. Failing that, we will be making milk bottles and feeding our youngest in the knowledge that we love each other so much even though we are barely able to share any time together." - David Minns, Founder of Saucy Dates


We'll Go Out Clubbing

Jacob Lund/Fotolia

"I have a 3-year-old and a 6-month-old, so my partner and I don't get out much. After going out for a friend's birthday, we realized it had been two years since we went to a club together (and we met in a club — he was the bouncer!). Going back to our beginning, this year we are going to an R&B night at a club in San Francisco. We're getting dressed up, sending the kids to Grandma's for the night, and staying out until the wee hours of the morning." - Courtney Watson, LMFT and Sex Therapist, Doorway Therapeutic Services


My Husband Will Cook And We'll Also Attend A Tantra Workshop

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

"This Valentine's Day, I've asked my husband to cook Spaghetti Bolognese for me. He made this meal the first Valentine's Day we were married and I've always wanted to have it again. I don't always make requests for Valentine's Day, but if I know what I want, you bet I go ahead and share that with him! For the weekend, we are going to go to a Tantra workshop together. It is something that we've never tried, but we think it could be quite fun!"- Laurie-Anne King, Relationship Expert & Relationship Coach


We're Making Sushi Together


“[We] LOVE sushi, so this will be a special occasion and interesting surprise to make sushi together at home on Valentine’s Day. To me, this day is about spending quality time together, not how much we spend on each other. These are my favorite memories.” -Amie Leadingham, Amie the Dating Coach, Master Certified Relationship Coach


I'll Go To A Korean Spa, Then Cook Myself A Meal


"As a matchmaker whose birthday is February 12, I'm actually pretty low-key on Valentine's Day because of the birthday hangover. Every year, I enjoy going to a Korean Spa, getting a massage, and, depending on the weather, I might make a meal of lobster tails and s'mores." - Stef Safran, matchmaking and dating expert


We'll Order A Pizza & Watch A Movie

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

"After 36 happy years together, Richard and I still look forward to spending time alone together. Valentine's Day falls on a Wednesday, so we will probably just order a pizza, have a glass of wine, and curl up together with a good movie. I feel blessed to have a loving man and happy memories together." - Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (aka "Dr. Romance"), psychotherapist and author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together


We'll Take A Cooking Class


“My husband and I plan to celebrate Valentine's Day this year by taking a cooking class (the week before the actual day). We don't often have time to cook, so this will be a nice way to learn a few new skills and get us to work together in the kitchen. On the actual day, we plan to recreate the meal on our own and spend time relaxing at home. In recent years, we decided that rather than exchanging gifts for the holiday, we pick an experience such as a new activity, course, or getaway.” - Marisa T. Cohen, Associate Professor of Psychology and author of From First Kiss to Forever: A Scientific Approach to Love

As you can see from the above, Valentine's Day isn't necessarily what you do on the day, but more about doing something you love, either yourself or with someone else. Happy Valentine's Day, no matter what you decide to do.