11 Surprising Things You Never Have To Share With Your Partner, According To Experts

Ad failed to load

For some couples, being in a relationship means allowing each other full access to your deepest thoughts, as well as all your secrets, thoughts, worries, and concerns. If you're in this type of relationship, and you feel comfortable sharing, then go for it. But do keep in mind that it's not necessary to tell your partner everything, if you don't want to.

Not to mention, sharing too much isn't exactly healthy. "A healthy relationship involves maintaining your independence, which includes your own personal thoughts," therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, tells Bustle. "It's not healthy to divulge everything you think and do. Keeping some privacy is important for your own mental health!" As is keeping private unimportant things that might upset your partner or bring about unnecessary disharmony in your relationship, like the nitty gritty details of a past relationship.

That's not to say, however, that it's OK to lie or to keep important info from your partner, especially if it might affect them and/or your relationship. When that's the case, it's crucial to have 100 percent honesty and openness, even if the issue/secret/thought/worry/concern is difficult to share. With that big difference in mind, read on for the things you can keep private, if you'd like.

Ad failed to load

Check out Bustle's 'Save The Date' and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

1. A Passing Crush On A Coworker

Ad failed to load

You're only human, so it's totally OK if you have fleeting crushes on coworkers or people you see everyday. But, as Hershenson tells me, unless it's becoming an issue or you're thinking about acting on the crush, it's probably smart to keep it to yourself. Unless you have the most understanding partner in the world, sharing those feelings will only make them feel nervous. And that's not fair.

2. How You Felt About Your SO Initially

Ad failed to load

For some couples, love happens at first sight. And while that's adorable, love, attraction, and appreciation takes some time to build for others. "If you weren't initially attracted to your partner or didn't even like them when you first met, there is no point in bringing this up now since you have a connection," Hershenson says. It'll only hurt their feelings.

3. The Intimate Details Of Your Infidelity

Ad failed to load

If one of you cheats, you can either break up, or you can do everything in your power to make each other feel comfortable again by rebuilding trust. And that doesn't always include providing intimate details of your affair. "If they ask, you are responsible for providing accurate information. But do you really need to provide all the [intimate] details?" asks clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow. Probably not.

4. The Specifics Of Your Sexual History

Ad failed to load

Again, some couples don't mind sharing this info. But others find past sexual history to be slightly upsetting. "While you should, in the interest of health and transparency, share some of your sexual history, oversharing can create issues," says certified counselor Jonathan Bennett. "Your current partner doesn’t want to hear about your random hookups or details of your sexual adventures with another person."

5. Any Remaining Feelings You Have For An Ex

Ad failed to load

If things are reigniting with your ex, tell your partner ASAP. But if you're just privately reeling from a past relationship, it might be smart to keep that on the down low. "Complicated feelings for exes are very common," says Bennett. "Just because you’re in a happy relationship with your current partner doesn’t erase previous good memories with an ex. However, you don’t need to reveal your current or past feelings about an ex, especially if they're 'complicated.' Sharing those thoughts could create insecurity, jealousy, and misunderstandings with your current partner."

6. Your Partner's Insignificant Flaws

Ad failed to load

Do you hate the way your partner sneezes, or how they chew their cereal in the morning? "When you’re around someone all the time, it’s easy to notice his or her little flaws and imperfections," Bennett says. "But, there’s no need to point out the little things you find unattractive about your partner so long as you find him or her attractive overall. It’s not worth creating feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem for your partner in the name of total honesty."

7. A Night Of Debauchery That Happened Years Ago

Ad failed to load

We all have stories from our past, and they can be fun to share. But do be careful when bringing up particularly dark ones, and always think about your motive. "There may be times when it is necessary to bring it to the surface, but the desire to 'come clean' with our partners when there is no conflict becomes more of a desire at times to purge guilt for past transgressions," Klapow says. "That is not necessarily fair to our partners.

8. The Details Of Your Past Relationships

Ad failed to load

"Hands down, the worst mistake people make is talking in detail about their past relationships," psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. "We all have pasts, we all have people we knew before our current partner, but somehow acknowledging that and talking about it in a detailed way, fosters jealousy, animosity, and feelings of inadequacy." So unless it's pertinent to current issues, there's really no reason to delve into the past.

9. Any Jealousies That May Crop Up

Ad failed to load

Some people might argue that it's important to share all your jealousies with your partner. And I mostly agree. But if you go overboard, it can do more harm than good. "Your partner has chosen to be with you, here and now, and that should be the focus of your discussions," Martinez says. By giving into jealousy, or talking about it 24/7, you can really drive a wedge between yourself and your partner.

10. Things You Liked Better About Your Ex

Ad failed to load

This one might seem obvious, but it's not really cool to share things about your ex that you liked better — especially when it come to sex. While you want to be honest and have a fulfilling sex life, tread carefully. "There are ways to try and spice up your relationship without hurting your partner's feelings," says dating expert Stef Safran, in an email to Bustle. "If your sex life isn't as hot as it was with another partner, you have to figure out a positive way to deal with it.

11. Any Comments From Others About Your Partner

Ad failed to load

This relationship is between you and your partner, so there's no need to share potentially hurtful comments or opinions from people on the outside. "If your parents or sibling make comments about your partner, it's best to think about if this can hurt your relationship," says Safran. As long as you two are happy, that's all that matters, so there's no need to make your SO feel bad by revealing what other people think.

And that should be your goal, when it comes to being in a relationship: both of you being happy. So if you don't want to share something, or it's something that would definitely be better left unsaid, don't feel like you have to share.

Images: Pexels (11); Pixabay (1)

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

Here's Your Horoscope For Memorial Day Weekend

We’re constantly fascinated by what our zodiac sign says about our lives, whether it's which signs are most compatible or how each sign handles conflict in relationships. That's why Bustle has enlisted Mecca Woods, a New York City-based astrologer of…
By Mecca Woods

These Are The Absolute Best Memorial Day Sales This Year

Get your credit cards ready, because this year's fashion and beauty Memorial Day sales might just be the best ones yet. There's not only major savings for the holiday, but some of the savings start days before. You know, so you can spend the entire w…
By Kali Borovic

Everything Leaving & Coming To Netflix In June To Help Get Your Summer Started

Summer is right around the corner, and so is another batch of streaming options to get excited about. On Wednesday, everything leaving and coming to Netflix in June 2018 was announced by the streaming platform. And don't worry, there's something for …
By Jamie Primeau

These Are The Beauty Products That Came Out In May That You DEFINITELY Need On Your Radar

For beauty lovers, months aren't just months: They're 28 to 31 day periods, wherein any and all product and brand launches can happen — and when they do, it feels like your birthday, no matter what time of the year you were actually born. The May 201…
By Amanda Richards

The 5 Rom-Coms You Need To Read This Summer, According To Someone Who Writes Them

'Tis the season for rom-coms. The weather is warm, the sun is shining, and everyone is rocking the flirtiest items in their wardrobe. I don't know about you, but summer always takes me back to my teenage years — and that automatically makes me want t…
By Cristina Arreola

11 Tiny Sunglasses That Will Make You Look Even Cooler Than Kylie Jenner

You know what they say — the tinier the sunglasses, the more stylish the outfit. OK, that's not really a saying, but it seems to be the case these days. Basically every celebrity, model, and It person has been spotted sporting tiny sunglasses as part…
By Sara Tan

I've Paid $18,000 To A $24,000 Student Loan, & I Still Owe $24,000

It all became real the summer before my senior year of college. It was 2010, and my home phone still had a cord, which I wrapped around my fingers as I waited not-so-patiently for the apathetic representative on the other end to tell me the bad news …
By Kaitlyn Cawley

12 Personality Quizzes That Will Help You Determine Your Exact Strengths

Learning more about yourself can be tough. It's so easy to observe others to learn what makes them tick, what areas they really excel in, and the things they could be better at. Doing that to yourself, however, is a whole different story. That's exac…
By Jessica Booth

5 Brand New Short Story Collections You Can Finish In One Sitting This Weekend

Since 2013, May has been known by book-lovers by another name: Short Story Month. If you're ready to kick off this year's celebration the right way, make sure to pick up a short story collection to read over the weekend. Modern life moves more than …
By Sadie Trombetta

I Got Styled By 'Queer Eye's Tan France & Realized I Still Have A Lot Of Fashion "Rules" To Unlearn

When I walked into a New York City Express store on May 2 to get styled by Queer Eye's Tan France, I was ready for anything. And I mean truly anything. I am such a massive fan of the show and Tan that if he had instructed me to wrap myself in tin foi…
By Olivia Muenter

It Isn’t Bad To Have A “Princess Fantasy” — Mine Made Me The Woman I Am Today

What do you want to be when you grow up? If you were anything like me as a kid, at some point, the answer to that question was "a princess." Thanks to good old-fashioned gender stereotypes, most little girls born in the '90s (and even now) grew up in…
By Nicole Pomarico

Here’s How To Get A FREE 30-Minute Facial At Sephora That Sucks Your Pores Clean

Sephora has long been a mecca for both serious and amateur beauty lovers alike, where they not only have makeup artists that help answer questions about products, but free samples to let you play with new collections. But now they have upped the ante…
By Marlen Komar

Kris Jenner Is FINALLY Launching A Makeup Line With Kylie

Maybe you don't have a favorite sister of the Kar-Jenner clan, and that's perfectly fine. The one thing you can't deny, though, is that when it comes power, no one in that family has more than the world famous momager. Now, Kris Jenner x Kylie Cosmet…
By Shea Simmons

This Kendall Jenner “Diva” Moment Is Really Being Taken Out Of Context

The fashion always takes center stage at the Met Gala, but there's usually a little drama, too. And this time, a member of the Kardashian-Jenner family is involved. People are buzzing about how Kendall Jenner shoved someone at the Met Gala, but after…
By Nicole Pomarico

Feel Like You've Seen Everything On Netflix? Add These Movies To Your Watch List

The weekend may feel too far away, but if you're lacking formal plans, a Netflix marathon session is always a good idea. If you're an avid viewer, however, you probably feel like you've seen everything the streaming platform has to offer already. In …
By Ashley Rey

Hillary Clinton Says She's Ready To Fight Like A Republican — EXCLUSIVE

Hillary Clinton Is Not Going Away Quietly. Can Hillary Clinton Please Go Quietly Into The Night? Unlike Losers Before Her, Clinton Is Not Going Gently Into the Night. These headlines, which appeared in various news outlets over the course of the last…
By Catherine Thompson and Jenny Hollander

Here's The Very Best Time To Book Your Summer Vacation If You're Trying To Save Money

Summer is a great time to travel, for obvious reasons. The weather is better. Many offices are more lax about time off. If you have kids, they’re out of school. But there’s one very important element that makes summer not a great time to travel: Cost…
By Emma McGowan