While you may think the key to ultimate relationship satisfaction is being brutally honest with your partner, that’s not always the case. In fact, in not sharing everything with your partner, you actually might be sparing your relationship in some ways. As long as you’re not doing anything wrong or deceitful, some things your partner just don’t need to know.
“Intimacy isn't necessarily equated with complete honesty,” psychologist Vivian Diller, Ph.D wrote for Psychology Today. “There are many couples that don't ‘tell all,’ yet maintain a trusting, fulfilling relationship.” In other words, what your partner doesn’t know can’t hurt them and why oh why would do you even feel like you have to tell them that you cheated on a past partner once over a decade ago? Well, you don’t.
Although some things — like cheating (as in presently cheating) and finances — are things you probably should be sharing with your partner, other things don’t need to be brought up. If there’s any chance of causing your partner unnecessary jealousy or something that could lead to an unnecessary argument, then it could be best to just skip it. Just because you’re in a serious relationship, engaged, or married, doesn’t mean you have to tell you partner everything.
Of course, it's up to you what you reveal and don't reveal in your relationship, but here are some things you shouldn't feel obligated to tell your partner.
1. That You Had An Orgasm When You Didn’t
Here’s the deal: You are under no obligation to tell your partner that you had an orgasm when you didn’t. In fact, lying about having an orgasm, in any situation shouldn’t even come into the picture whether it’s a one-night stand or someone to whom you’re married. You’re not doing them — or you — any favors by lying about something so important.
2. If You Have A Crush On Someone
Having a crush when you're in a relationship is relatively harmless. I mean, who hasn’t found themselves in a relationship and crushing on some guy or gal at work or even that hot coffee barista you see every morning? As long as you know you’re not going to act on it or let it interfere with your relationship in any way, then you don’t need to tell your partner that you have a tiny crush. In doing so, you’re creating unnecessary drama, especially if you’re partner is the jealous type.
3. Any Past STIs Or STDs That Have Been Treated Or Cured
When it comes to past sexually transmitted infections, the basic protocol is if it’s not going to be affect your partner, you don’t need to tell them. For example, if you had gonorrhea over a decade ago and you've been in the clear ever since, then you don’t need to address it – unless you want to, of course. However, if an STI you contracted in your past can affect your partner now, like herpes, then you should definitely be upfront about that before you go to bed together.
4. Anything Related To Your Sexual Past
Your sex life before you met your partner is your business. While you can share as much as you want about your sexual past, there’s not some written rule that you must tell them everything. Whether it’s the number of your sexual partners or all those one-night stands you’ve had in your life, you don’t have to tell them. This also includes things like abortions, too, if you don't want to share the part of your life either.
5. What You Do When You're Not Together
People need alone time and lots of it. If you want to go out with your friends and have drunk brunch or just wander around the city by yourself indulging in your guilty pleasure of listening to Taylor Swift, you don’t have to tell your partner. Your alone time is your time; you’re not under any obligation to share what you do during your alone time with anyone.
6. If You Fantasize About Someone Else When You Masturbate
Although personally I can’t fantasize about people I haven’t had sex with when I masturbate, if I could, I imagine I’d think about Tom Hardy… because of course. But while I may not think of celebrities when I masturbate (or other random people for that matter), I have many friends who do. Do they have to tell their partners that whenever they reach for their vibrator they think about Leo DiCaprio or Idris Elba? No way. That's your private thing.
8. Your Family Drama
While a partner is there to be supportive, especially when you’re dealing with drama (and all families have drama), you shouldn’t have to feel like you constantly need to keep your partner in the loop about all that stuff. Remember, they have their own family and with that comes their own drama. So unless it’s going to somehow affect you and your relationship, don’t feel like you need to share any of it.
8. That You Think Their Best Friend Is Hot
Want to see your partner go through the roof? Then tell them that you think their best friend is hot. Even if their best friend is Tom Hardy, you really don’t need to be sharing that information. Ever.
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