Orgasms aren't always there when you're looking for them. But then, when you're not looking for them, orgasms can show up at the most random times. They can come in your sleep, while you're riding a motorcycle, and, apparently, when your Airbnb guest is playing the accordion.
"I've heard from a lot of women who have orgasms when they're not expecting to," Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and creator of Finishing School, an online orgasm course for women, tells Bustle. "Sometimes it's random, but sometimes I think it speaks to the power of our brains to throw off our orgasmic process. When we're not expecting to orgasm, or pressuring ourselves to orgasm, it can be a lot easier to actually have an orgasm. Orgasm is more than just relaxing, but mental pressure can definitely sabotage our orgasmic potential."
We're taught that all sexual thoughts and feelings should be reserved for the bedroom, but the truth is, we can't always control when they arise — and that's OK. Sexual arousal happens under far more circumstances than we give it credit for. To get a sense of the remarkable diversity of human sexual experiences, I asked people to tell me the weirdest ways they've ever orgasmed. Here are their answers.
"Riding as a passenger on a motorcycle."
"After I came off the pill, my libido rocketed so high, all it took to get there was walking around in leggings."
"Had an Airbnb guest that would play the accordion. Would get off while he played. He stayed for a while!"
"A female partner grinding her pussy on my heel made me come."
"Sitting across from a female acquaintance in her living room, enjoying an after dinner glass of wine. Either deliberately or accidentally, my dinner host sat carelessly afforded me several views under her dress as she sat on her sofa and I on her loveseat."
"In a 4WD on a bumpy track in tight jeans."
"I work next to a personal training studio, and the bass of the music they play sometimes is heavy enough that it travels through the floor and up my chair. Have definitely orgasmed, sitting at my desk, just from the bass of the music."
"I have been a Kegel exercise enthusiast for as long as I can remember. I try to do 1,000 every day — not just because I value a strong pelvic floor, but because I can orgasm just by busting out a few dozen reps. I've orgasmed from doing Kegels everywhere you can imagine: driving my car, in line at the bank, and even in the middle of a fight with my boyfriend. It's my secret way to have fun in any situation!"
"When I do crunches, I have to engage my abs twice as hard in order to keep my spine from bending upward. And apparently, engaging your pelvic floor while doing lower ab exercises can result in an orgasm. I learned one day doing abs after track practice that this was the case, when I (quietly) had an orgasm in the gym. I wound up Googling what had just happened to me and found that there are classes with instructors who teach lower ab exercises with the goal of orgasms.
From there, I learned how to, uh... harness this 'power.' Now, every time I go to the gym (about five days a week), I do abs and end my workouts with lower abs and an orgasm. I'm now in a relationship, but I still do this, because why wouldn't I?? It's a totally different type of orgasm compared to G-spot or clitoral. Sure, it's happened unintentionally during workout classes when there are tons of lower ab exercises. I've also been unable to finish if my abs are too sore. All in all, it's pretty awesome, honestly. And hilarious. And it's the only way I ever 'masturbate.'"
"Wow, I know it's suuuuuuper gross, but one time, I had an orgasm while pooping. I hadn't pooped in two days and while I was pooping I just had one."
If you want to have an orgasm, clitoral stimulation is probably your best bet. But as these stories show, you can never rule out anything.