With the newest season of The Bachelor looming on the horizon, it's time to talk about what makes a good Bachelor contestant. As fans know, the ideal show participant has a whole range of qualities that ideally suit them to falling in love on television. It's everything from the more obvious traits like a willingness to fall in love and the self-confidence to not get intimidated by your fellow contestants, to just the tiniest touch of antisocial tendencies. Remember, you aren't here to make friends. You are here to make good television.
Bachelor Arie Luyendyk Jr. was a popular figure during his first stint with the franchise back on Season 8 of The Bachelorette in 2012, but he was hardly the first choice to helm his own season. And with just two successful marriages coming out of 21 seasons of the ABC reality show, we clearly haven't quite cracked the nut of the qualities that make a successful relationship. So ladies, this is your opportunity to step up, and convince the rest of the world of what we already know: that this is a season worth watching.
And producers have put together a group of 29 women who seem ideally suited to improving the franchise's success rate. They have jobs, some of them are over 30, and they all seem really excited about marriage. But that isn't all it takes. While this show bangs its head against the wall trying to figure out out what exactly helps a relationship survive once the show wraps, there are easier things for the rest of us to focus on. The qualities that make for smooth sailing through this heart-wrenching competition for the contestants and compelling TV for us are imminently more tackle-able.
So here they are, all 14 of them. These are the qualities you need to be a great Bachelor contestant. (Although they don't necessarily guarantee you'll get picked, of course.)
Duh. You're going up against literally dozens of other women, dating the same man you want to marry. And it's on national television. You have to be sure of yourself, or the insecurities can be detrimental.
The other women don't have to like it, but you should always be on your toes, looking for an opportunity for a one-on-one. Just take it from Corinne Olympios — skip the dates you don't want and invent dates that don't exist, whipped cream and all. You only have a few opportunities to make the connection, so you might as well swing for the fences.
There are 29 women on Arie's season, which gives each one a 3 percent chance of success on the show. And even if you are the lucky winner, only two of 21 seasons have actually ended in marriage, so with a little fast math, you're looking at an approximately 100 percent probability that this experience will end in heartbreak. (A 99.73 percent chance, for all the nerds out there.)
4. Low Blood Pressure
If history is any guide, these ladies are gonna be taking some helicopters and having some real early conversations about their feelings, so here's hoping they don't startle easy.
5. Thick Skin
Feelings are going to get hurt, things are going to be said, and people are going to be picked over you. And you have to let it all roll off you like water off a duck's back.
6. Be True To Yourself
Water off a duck's back aside, don't you dare stick around for anything that doesn't feel good. Andi Dorfman got her very own shot at the franchise after walking off of Juan Pablo's season after Fantasy Suites, so there's incentive for sticking to your guns.
7. A Sense Of Humor
Alexis Waters came out of the limo in a shark costume — or was it a dolphin? — and her playful friendship with Nick Viall kept her around even in the absence of romance.
8. Perfect Timing
As long as you time it correctly, anything can bring you and the Bachelor closer together. Remember when eventual winner Vanessa Grimaldi threw up during her one-on-one? You might think that'd be a date-ruiner, but it actually gave Nick a chance to take care of her. It's all about choosing your moments.
There are plenty of yes-men in any cast, so it stands out when someone speaks their mind. This is reality TV, after all, so we want it to be real.
10. Some Antisocial Tendencies
It's great to be friendly, but if you get hung up on the dynamics in the house, it can distract from your main goal: true love. You're not here to make friends, right? (Although strong friendships in the house will usually earn you a trip to Bachelor in Paradise, which is second best.)
11. Athletic Ability
There are gonna be some sports-themed dates, so brush up on your athleticism if you're looking to shine. A win usually means one-on-one time.
12. An Intriguing Job
If you do something interesting for a living, it gives you an icebreaker for those awkward moments. A chicken enthusiast, you say? Now what does that entail?
No, not the religious kind, just something to believe in during this process, because it's gonna take a lot out of you.
14. A Lot Of Life Experience
You need something to talk about during those interminable dinners where it looks like nobody ever eats.
All of this, plus a big bladder — we never see them pee, even with all that champagne — and you should be set. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy one of the most insane experiences of your entire life.