Looking back on my '90s self, I like to think I didn't care what people thought of me. I was a free spirit... a rebel heart. Then again, we all know the '90s was a time driven by fads, so I suppose I was just blindly obedient to the trends like everyone else. This theory is confirmed upon consideration of the things you would never have admitted in the '90s, but do now. As in, our '90s selves would have been mortified or publicly shamed if we admitted such things at the time. But now? Well now we're old enough and at least somewhat wise enough to realize we really don't care what other people think of us.
It's funny, you know? Back then, admitting these things would have been social self-sabotage. Thinking of them now, though, it seems a little silly. I guess if these were the biggest concerns we had, our lives much have been pretty dreamy, you guys. I remember feeling internally embarrassed all the time back then, no matter how much of a brave face I put on. Now, it would take something truly obscene to make me blush, like splitting my pants open in public or walking around with TP hanging out of my skirt.
Maybe what we need at this point in our lives is a little perspective to help remind us that sometimes things aren't nearly as bad as they seem in the moment. And, also, that our '90s selves were hilarious... unintentionally. To that end, let's take a little retrospective tour of the things you never would have admitted to in the '90s but find amusing enough to admit now.
1You Only Like *NSYNC for Justin Timberlake
I mean, sure, now that JT is doing his thang and winning all kinds of awards, it's cool to say this. But during the '90s boy band heyday, what was your life even if you didn't love the whole lot of 'em?
2You Hated (HATED) Platform Shoes
It's a gosh darn miracle you even have any bones left in your ankle. You'd think rolling them a zillion times while teetering on sky-high platform would have turned any bones you had into gelatinous mush.
3Your AIM Profile Wasn't Nearly as Off-The-Cuff as You Implied
Like, you literally lost sleep over which song quote to put in your bio. It was that serious.
4You Choreographed Your Own Dance Moves to "Baby Got Back"
To this day, you've secretly believed your great untapped talent might be choreography.
5Your Mom Totally Would Have Let You Get Your Belly Button Pierced
You told everyone she wouldn't let you (what a buzzkill!) but, let's be real . . . you were low-key terrified of a piercing gun coming anywhere close to your navel.
6You Always Cheated At MASH
Mayhaps jealousy reared its ugly head every time your BFF's fortune seemed to be headed toward life in a mansion with the class dreamboat. "Miscounting" and sticking her in a shack should cut her down to size. Mwuhahahahaha!
6You Thought Overalls Were Ridiculous
If we're being honest here, they were terribly impractical. If I had a penny for every time I accidentally dropped a strap in the toilet while trying to go to the bathroom, well, I'd have a metric ton of pennies.
8You Had a Secret Crush on Steve from '90210'
You swooned over OG 90210's Brendan and Dylan to throw your friends off the scent, but you secretly pined for Steve.
9You Definitely Cried Every Single Time You Watched 'Free Willy'
In defense of '90s you, it was a really sad movie.
10You Were the Worst at "Where's Waldo?"
You knew he was hiding in there somewhere, just staring at you patronizingly from behind those glasses of his.
11You Never Saw the Dang Magic Eye Pic
You always pretended you did, because you liked winning just as much as the next '90s kid. But where in the actual eff was that frickin' 3-D schooner?!
12You Absolutely Had a Nerdy Crush On Bill Nye
Still do. Holllaaaaaaaa!
13And Had the Hots for at Least One Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Too
Raphael had you feelin' some kind of way, and you honestly were never really sure what to think about that.
14You Were Legitimately Pissed at Rose for Most of 'Titanic'
First she lets Jack die in the frigid waters because she wouldn't share her door, and then she throws that giant necklace to the bottom of the ocean? Homegirl needed to get her life together.
15Your Jellies Made Your Feet Smell Rank