As an adult, I think I'm cool when I make it through the day without a nap. But in the '90s, you were all that and a bag of chips when you were much more rebellious. I'm talking staying up past your bedtime to prank call the principal and ditching out of your babysitting job to go make out with your crush at the movie theater. Things like that would definitely improve your cool status with the kids on the playground. I think we were always scared of getting in trouble, but that was half the thrill. You weren't really all that unless there was some kind of risk involved.
I was your typical good girl, and a major overachiever. I couldn't be concerned with coolness — not when there were rules to follow and adults to obey. So I sat by and watched as my classmates and friends were so totally, awesomely cool wearing crop tops and staying out during recess longer than they were supposed to and giving the substitute teacher a fake name during roll call.
And of course, there were these other things we did when we really wanted to be all that and a bag of chips.
1When You Went To School With Fruit Stripe Tattoos On Your Arms
And told everyone they were real.
2When Your Mom Let Your Wear A Fake Nose Ring You Bought At Claire's
But only in the home. Not to school. And certainly not to church.
3When Your School Lost Power And You Were The Only Kid With Light-Up Shoes
Come with me if you want to live.
4When Your Teacher Told You To Only Write In Pencil And You Totally Wrote With Your Multi-Colored Pen
And you always tried to push down all the colors simultaneously. Unsuccessfully, I might add.
5When You Used Your Moon Shoes To Reach The Zebra Cakes On The Top Shelf
And your 'rents thought you had no idea where they were hiding. Amateurs!
6When Your Crushed Proposed With A Ring Pop
I guess you could say things were getting pretty serious.
7When Your Studded Platform Shoes Made You Taller Than The Teacher
8When You Spent An Entire Weekend Marathon-Watching 'Real World' While Your Parents Were Away
You didn't understand what half of it meant, but drinking. Making out. Cuss words. Cool.
9When Your Shorts Totally Didn't Reach Your Fingertips
What school dress code? Come at me!
10When You Used Your Gak To Make Farting Sounds Just As Grandma Was Sitting In Her Rocker
Grandma! Lay off the beans! So gross!
11When You Memorized All The Lyrics To 'Let's Talk About Sex' And Didn't Even Care Who Heard You
The girls at school are going to be so jealous.
12When The 'Rents Told You Not To Eat Dunkaroos Before Dinner But You Totally Did Anyway
And you totally spoiled your appetite and it was so awesome.
13When You Stole Your Mom's Brown Lipstick And Blue Eyeshadow And Went To Town
To make matters worse, you told her you were channeling Pam Anderson. Next time, just sit there quietly.
14When You Went To School With A Madonna Shirt Under Your Spice Girls Shirt
You looked so innocent and harmless and then BAM: Madonna in a bullet bra.
15When You Sampled All The Lotion At Bath And Body Works And Didn't Even Buy Anything