We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org. Now, onto this week’s topic tips for having more fun masturbating.
Q: “Hi. Single lady here, going through a long dry spell. I masturbate a lot since I’m not getting action any other way. I have one specific technique that I know works for me, and I tend to do that over and over again. It always works, but it's getting a little monotonous. I’m looking for tips to make masturbation more fun. I hate that it has become so boring!”
A: Thanks for the question! As you probably know by now, female orgasm is my specialty, and masturbation is one of my favorite topics to talk about! I have so many ideas that I’m splitting this guide into two. Here’s part one of your definitive guide to shaking up your masturbation routine.
One of the best ways you can bring some life back into your masturbation habits is to slow down! If you’ve found a technique that works for you, you’re probably speeding through it because you’re so familiar with what to expect. You can shake things up by slowing everything down. Create more of a build up. Try to make the whole experience last longer. Even move your hands slower. This sounds deceptively simple, but it can make such a huge impact.
Banish Your Usual Technique
Here’s a fun way to push yourself to explore new things — “forbid” yourself from masturbating with your usual technique. Try to think of all of the different things you normally do — the hand, strokes, position — and don’t do any of those things. You can do this for a few days, a week, or even a month if you really want to challenge yourself!
Most women love being teased by their partners, but we rarely make the effort to tease ourselves! Instead of going straight for old faithful, try to add some elements of taunting and withholding. Take your time caressing your entire body. Dip down to your clitoris for a second, then move your hand away to a different part of your body. Try to keep teasing yourself until you can hardly stand it any longer.
Edging is a specific variation of teasing. To edge yourself, get yourself to the brink of an orgasm. You can use your usual technique, or try something new. Right when you’re about to orgasm, stop what you’re doing. Give yourself a minute or two to cool down, then get yourself back to the edge of an orgasm again. Repeat as many times as you can!
You can take edging it to even more of an extreme by forbidding yourself from orgasming. Try getting yourself to the edge of orgasm, again using either your regular technique or a new one. When you’re just about to orgasm, stop. Force yourself to get up, walk away, and go about your usual daily routine. Depending on how intense you want to be, you can forbid yourself from orgasming for as little as an hour or as much as a week!
Use Different Movements
You can also mix things up by varying your specific movement. Try going in circles around your clitoris, or stroking from side to side, up and down, or in a diagonal. Or try long, slow strokes from your vaginal canal up to your clitoris. If you don’t usually use your hand to masturbate, try out lots of different motions.
Switch Up Your Intensity
Most women usually have a preference for either direct or indirect clitoral stimulation. Try switching up your usual preference. If you usually like direct stimulation, see what it’s like to masturbate over your underwear. Or stroke around the sides of your clitoris. If you usually like indirect stimulation, play with very, very gentle direct stimulation. (A little bit of lube can help the sensation feel more comfortable)
Experiment With Grinding
Plenty of women don’t use their hands to masturbate, and instead prefer to use a grinding motion. Try balling a pillow up between your legs (you may need to fiddle around to get the positioning right) as you lie facedown on your bed. Rock your hips back and forth to grind against the pillow. Or try grinding against a dildo, or even a hairbrush handle.
Get Your Backdoor Involved
One particular area that deserves it’s own shout out is your anus. Anal play can make your masturbation sessions so much more intense. You can add anal stimulation to your usual technique, or spend your entire time focused on your anus. Use your fingertips or a toy to exert a little bit of pressure against your anus, or try aiming for deeper penetration.
Play With Other Parts Of Your Body
Masturbation doesn’t have to be limited to your genitals. Try playing with your next, your breasts, your thighs, or anywhere else that feels good.
Get Creative With Location
Always masturbate in bed? Try masturbating somewhere else for a change! Even something as simple lying on the floor can be exciting. You can also try in the living room, in the closet, or in the kitchen.
Play In The Bath
One particularly creative location to try is in the bathtub. Aim the faucet or showerhead over your body so the stream of water hits your clitoris. Even if that doesn’t make you orgasm, you can still play with your hand.
Sex toys can open up a whole new world when it comes to masturbation. There are hundreds of new toys released every year. Most female toys tend to be divided into three categories — clitoral vibrators, internal toys, and anal toys. Treat yourself to your first toy or a new one.
There are also plenty of sex toy accessories that can enhance your masturbation routine. Look for nipple clamps, feather dusters, blindfolds, whips, and paddles, to spice up your solo time.
I know that using lube doesn’t sound like the sexiest tip, but it can really transform your relationship with masturbation. It can make masturbation feel more luxurious, more special, and more pleasurable. Treat yourself to a high quality bottle, and you’ll never look back!