As I sit here eating a kale salad and sipping green tea, I can't help but wonder why I'm not demolishing a can of 3D Doritos and washing it down with a Chucklin' Cherry Squeezit. My fanny pack was replaced with a sensible brown tote, and I swapped out Beanie Babies for a smartphone. Who am I? I'm not alone in my thoughts. There are countless discontinued products all '90s kids want brought back — like Bop Its and Moon Shoes, because whoever said it's not cool to have sprained ankles on the reg clearly didn't know what they were talking about.
The toys they play with, the technology they enjoy, the clothes they wear — everything our youth today uses looks entirely different from what us '90s kids spent our time with, which might as well have come out of the Stone Age. Our culture moved forward at the speed of light, and now, young people don't even know what the words "floppy disk" mean. Is it the newest Snapchat feature?...
1. Certain Legos Models
I don't care how painful it is to accidentally step on one that was wedged into the carpeting. Bring the good stuff back! They don't make 'em like they used to.
2. Toys In Cereal Boxes
There must be some confusion here, so allow me to clarify: the only reason we ever ate cereal as children was to get the toy inside the box. Same with fast food. If any grown adult tries to tell you they haven't ordered a kiddie meal recently, they're spinning a web of lies.
3. Flintstones Push Ups
These melted so fast and were incredibly messy to eat, but... but... but... the creaminess. The fruitiness. The MAGIC. The ice cream man won us over with these.
4. Alpha Bits
Delicious and educational. Part of a balanced breakfast. Maybe.
5. Planters P.B. Crisps
The combination of the creamy and crispy textures made this snack a real winner. Planters really went all out with this one, and things haven't been the same since they left.
6. Sour Altoids
We don't need the first few layers of our mouths anyway!
7. The Greatest Snack Ever
Cookies dipped in frosting? Yes. That's a big, effing yes. Whoever made the call to nix these should be very disappointed in themselves. VERY disappointed.
8. Fried Apple Pie
I'm not sure if you've heard, but everything is better fried. It's science.
9. Hi-C Ecto Cooler
Looking back at it now, the color of Ecto Cooler should have been cause for concern. But the taste... ugh. We couldn't resist.
10. Snapple Elements
Didn't you feel so cool and hip drinking from one of these? Definitely way deeper and more meaningful than regular, boring Snapple.
11. Bubble Jug
It lost all its flavor after approximately 20 seconds, but it never mattered. We loved carrying that little jug around with us, even though chewing gum wasn't allowed in school. We lived life on the edge, indeed.
12. Oreo Cakesters
Okay, so maybe they weren't quite as dunkable as their cookie counterparts, but when you wanted something soft and squishy, Cakesters did the trick.
It was fruit, so it was good for you... right? I think that's how that works...
14. Legit Water Guns
Back in the day, Super Soakers could send a kid flying 10 feet across the pavement. Now, people seem to be concerned children accidentally getting hurt. I don't know why.
15. All Of The Fast Food That Is No More
I'd like to file a formal complaint about the food that's left us over the years. Yes, the universe threw us a bone by bringing back Burger King's chicken fries, but it's not enough!
I don't even recall these tasting good. The crusts were hard and flavorless, and the sauce tasted like water they maybe had some tomato paste in it. But they were totes fun to assemble, so who cares?