6 Signs You’re Ready To Move In With Your Partner That Have Nothing To Do With Saving Money
At some point, you may be ready to move in with your significant other — you’re in love, spend 24/7 together, and, financially, it makes sense to pool your money together to pay one rent or mortgage, not two. But when’s the right time to move in together? Can just one of these factors be reason enough to pack up your things and cosign a lease?
Mattress Clarity, the mattress review site, recently surveyed 2,000 American couples and found that finances were a primary factor when it comes to couples moving in together. They discovered that, overall, nearly half — 43 percent — of co-habiting couples moved in sooner than they’d intended to, citing financial reasons. In addition, one in 10 admitted that not only did they move in with their partner too soon, but they regretted it. After all, dating someone and spending a lot of time with them, then going home to your own space, is a lot different than sharing a space with them 24/7.
“If you’ve never lived with your partner before, you might end up having some unpleasant surprises,” Joe Auer, founder of Mattress Clarity, said in a press release announcing the survey results. “This is when you find out how well house-trained they are! But usually people find their own rhythm and are willing to compromise and share. As long as they never go to bed on an argument!”
David Bennett, counselor and relationship expert with Double Trust Dating, agrees that moving in together is all about compromising. “Couples need to consider that moving in together is a big step, and doing it for the wrong reasons can not only make your day-to-day life stressful, but also ruin a relationship,” he tells Bustle. “Many couples do it because of convenience, financial need, or because they feel like it’s the next thing they are supposed to do, but these aren’t good reasons to move your entire life together with another person.”
As Bennett says, it's important to really think about the reasons you and your significant other want to move in together and not do so to try to solve a temporary fix, like money issues. All that said, if you’re not part of the nearly 50 percent of couples moving in together due to financial reasons, you may wonder when the right time is to move in together. Mattress Clarity’s survey found that 13 months is the magical number — however, this will vary from couple-to-couple, of course. Below, relationship experts weigh in on signs you’re actually ready to move in together that have nothing to do with money.
1. You Communicate Well
You may hear it time and time again: Relationships are all about good communication, and it’s true when it comes to living together, too. After all, having a disagreement with a roommate and ignoring them for a few days is one thing, but when you and your partner argue, it’s a different story.
Bennett says that if you and your significant other are thinking about living together, make sure you communicate well. “When you move in with someone, you can’t just ignore them, ghost them, or pretend the issues with them don’t exist,” he says. “If you communicate well as a couple, moving in might be a good idea.”
2. You Are Both Equally Responsible
Living in your own place comes with a lot of responsibility, and when you combine that responsibility with your partner, it can become magnified. Bennett says that if you are both equally responsible, it’s a good sign when it comes to living together.
“Moving in together requires coordination regarding things like sharing bills, taking care of the residence, and agreeing on how to organize your life,” he says. “If you and your partner are both responsible and agree on how to proceed with these things, then moving in together could be a good idea.”
3. You Have A Shared Vision Of The Future
Chances are, you don’t just want to live with your significant other because you want a new roommate, so it’s important to have other common goals — like a shared vision of the future.
“If the topic of your future as a couple is one you speak of regularly, in unison and you share a vision of the future, you can likely consider moving in together and expect it to be a harmonious and successful experience,” Margaux Cassuto, relationship expert and matchmaker at Three Matches, tells Bustle.
4. You Have Similar Values About Alone Time
Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, everyone needs alone time now and then. If you want more alone time than your partner — or vice-versa — you need to come to a compromise so that you are both satisfied and no one feels purposefully neglected. In fact, Mattress Clarity’s survey found that needing their own space was at the top of the list when it came to the biggest source of friction for newly cohabiting couples — 30.3 percent said it was an issue.
“If you and your partner are both on the same page about how much alone time is appropriate, then you can navigate the problems that often come with sorting this issue out after moving in together,” Bennett says.
5. You Accept Your Partner As-Is
You may love certain traits about your significant other more than others, which is completely OK — just as they probably feel the same way about your traits.
“If you know some of your partner’s most irksome qualities and habits and still love them — and have found a way to prevent them from bothering you — then you are likely ready to move in with your partner,” Cassuto says. She says that although there may be more bad habits revealed, you have proven that you can deal with them and love your partner regardless, so living together will likely be a breeze.
6. You Spend A Lot Of Time Together Anyway
Perhaps your roommates joke that you don’t even live with them anymore — you’re always at your partner’s place. If this is the case, you may want to consider living together. “If you already spend most of your free time with your partner, you might as well look into spending that together at one place,” Bennett says.
Cassuto agrees. “If you are already spending most of your free time with your partner and sleeping over every night, chatting throughout the day and missing them when you are apart, you can pack a permanent overnight bag and move in together,” she says. “You know that you enjoy spending time with your partner, and living together would give you even more time together.”
As you can see, there are many reasons to seriously consider moving in with your partner, and reasons that are motivated by how you two feel about each other and how you communicate — which is what relationships are all about anyway.