Having group sex for the first time can be a lot to handle — in fact, the number of limbs alone can be really overwhelming. But there are also the emotional and practical considerations to deal with. If it's a casual hookup where nobody is emotionally attached — or a poly relationship where this is an established activity — it'll probably be smooth sailing. But, if you're in a couple, you may need to make sure you're ready for sex with multiple partners.
So how do you do you know if, as a couple, you're ready for a threesome — or a foursome? “It needs to be something they both want,” Charlie Glickman, PhD, sex and relationship coach, and Polly Superstar, the founder of the sex-positive community Mission Control and author of the book Sex Culture Revolutionary, tells Bustle. “I know that sounds obvious, but a lot of couples get into situations where one person wants it a lot more than the other. If you go into a threesome because you want to go along with your partner's desires or if you feel pressured, it's not likely to be a success. Compliance is not the way to go.”
So make sure that everyone is enthusiastic about it. And, crucially, no matter what your relationship status, you need to talk about safe sex. If you're having sex with multiple partners, you need to know what that entails — and it may mean going through a lot of condoms. “You also need to be able to have a safe sex conversation without embarrassment,” Glickman says. “I really recommend this format from Reid Milhalko. Practice it with each other or with a friend before you try it..."
Once you know you're ready — and you're sure you know how to be safe — sex with multiple people can be a lot of fun. Here are some of the best positions with multiple partners, to help you get started.
1The Center Of Attention
How To Do It: One person straddles a partner and has another partner behind them for double penetration. The remaining person can watch — and play with themselves, of course.
Why It's Great: It's all about the intensity. One person is getting all of the attention — and it should feel larger than life. You can always switch roles so nobody feels left out.
2Doggy Blow Job
How To Do It: In traditional doggy, have a third person lay underneath you, so you have easy mouth access. It's pretty straightforward.
Why It's Great: It's an amazing view for the person receiving oral — and you get all the intensity of doggy along with the added sensation of giving oral. You can make it really animalistic or way more intimate, it's totally your choice.
How To Do It: Both pairs assume the spooning position by laying on their sides. The inner spoon's hips should be slightly higher on the bed than their partners' for easy penetration.
Why It's Great: If you're in a couple, you get a really intimate position with your partner, with a sexy view of what the other pair is doing. And if you get close enough, there's also room to kiss and fondle between the pairs.
4The Double Dip
How To Do It: Assume a doggy-like position, but adjust so another partner can fit below you, facing up. You two can kiss and play, while the doggy-giver goes to town and switches between the two of you (always practicing safe sex, of course).
Why It's Great: For the lucky person in the middle, they're getting a little bit of everything — an intimate connection with one partner and rougher sex from the other. And the other two get to watch it all.
5The Cowgirl Kiss
How To Do It: Both pairs get into cowgirl, but facing opposite directions. You can be closer or farther away, depending on how much you want to interact with the other couple or just focus on your partner.
Why It's Great: It's a good option for a couple new to group sex, because you can start your crossover slowly if you need to. It can be very separate or the two on top can kiss and fondle, all while being in control.
6The Tag Team
How To Do It: While one partner stands up to perform the butterfly sex position, you can also get some lovely oral play between the partner on the bed and the third person.
Why It's Great: It's a sexy sandwich for the partner receiving and giving, while for the other two it's more animalistic — and there's great room clit play all around.
How To Do It: One pair goes straight in for doggy style, while the other person grabs their favorite toy and watches it all happen. They can even direct the pair, telling them what to do, if you're into a bit of power play.
Why It's Great: Sometimes it's just sexy to watch — and a vibrator makes it all the more fun. Plus, everyone's watching each other, meaning that it can feel really intimate even if you're not touching at all.
Getting started with group sex can be intimidating, but there are so many different positions that you can ease into at your own pace. Just be safe and keep communicating.