Newly single? Maybe you're thrilled to get back out there and date again, maybe you're overwhelmed by the big change, or maybe you're totally dreading being single again and still mourning your breakup. As someone who's back to
being newly single, I know how tough it can be to adjust to the changes at first. I've loved a lot and lost a lot to know the pain of a relationship ending, and even non-relationships ending. But life is about loving and losing. It's about taking a risk. And I sure as hell don't regret it.
There are so many upsides to being newly single, even if you don't see them right away. "You’re
being true to yourself," New York–based relationship and etiquette expert of Relationship Advice Forum, April Masini, tells Bustle. "Getting a date — even getting married — is not that difficult. But doing it on your terms because you’re ready and you think your partner is the right one takes ... hard work and time."
When you're newly single, it's a chance to make sure you're living your life the way you really want to. "You’re living your life and being true to yourself by doing your diligence and living honestly," Masini says.
Regardless of how you feel about your newly single status, here are seven benefits you probably never realized.
1 You Actually Get A Great Night's Sleep
According to 2013 research out of Toronto's Ryerson University, more and more
couples are sleeping apart — and that study was conducted five years ago. Then more recent research in 2016 found that sleeping apart is actually good for your relationship. It's also one of the big benefits of being newly single if you were one of those couples who insisted about sleeping in the say bed.
"Nobody snores in your bed (except you, maybe)," says Masini. "People who share beds with snoring partners know what misery is. When you’re single, you have much better shot at a good night’s sleep. Snoring partners? Nope. People hogging the covers? Nope. Active sleepers who whop you with flung arms and kicking legs? Nope. You get a great chance at a good nights’ sleep!" Amen to that.
2 There's No More Syncing Of Calendars
Another perk to being newly single? Your calendar is yours for the first time in a long time. "When you’re single, you can accept invitations without checking with a partner," says Masini. "You can schedule dates, work trips, vacations, family get togethers because and you're the master of your universe. People in couples are bound by each others’ schedules. Single people have freedom from coordinating calendars."
3 You Don't Have To Deal With Their Friends And Family Anymore
Even if, for the most part, your partner's friends and family were cool, you may not miss feeling obligated (or pressured) to spend time with them. Now, the guest list is your choice. "When you’re in a couple, you have to go along with your partner’s friends and family — whether you like them or not — because they’re part of the package," says Masini. "But when you’re single, you have a lot of freedom over saying no to invitations where people you don’t care for, will be hosting or simply guests."
4 You Get To Experience The Intrigue Of Meeting Someone New Again — If You Want To
you're not sure you're ready to date yet, at least in being newly single you have that option. When you're ready, you'll know it. But also, don't rush it. There are so many fish in the sea — almost 8 billion to be exact — so don't jump at the first person who comes your way.
"Single? You may bemoan not having a partner, but the upside is that you can accept or ask people out on dates and play the field," says Masini. "Lots of couples mourn those days of interest and intrigue with someone new. You’ve got it — if you want it."
5 You Can Kiss Those Daily Annoyances Goodbye
Once upon a time all those idiosyncrasies were so damn adorable, but now? Ugh! Just thinking back not only makes you cringe, but makes you want to throw a party to celebrate being newly single, right?
"All those little foibles that eat up your day — like leaving the toilet seat up, the toothpaste uncapped, drinking from the milk carton instead of a glass, and eating food over the sink — are just not there!" says Masini. "You don’t have to suffer daily annoyances like having your favorite cereal consumed by your partner, without replacing it, not having the trash taken out when it’s someone else’s job, and picking up other peoples’ laundry off the floor. You can live the messy or neat lifestyle you want because you don’t have someone who works against you in this arena!" It's ultimate freedom, is what it really is.
6 Petty Arguments About Money Are Gone
The most common argument and
biggest stress for couples is money. Whether it's how it's being spent, how there isn't enough, or when your partner finds out that those shoes weren't actually on sale, it's an issue. Being newly single, where every cent is your own and you spend it as you please, is one of the extra special benefits of all this.
"Couples fight over how they spend or save money, and if you’re single, you don’t have a partner with opposing financial behaviors," says Masini. "If you want to save most of your income for retirement, even though you’re in your 30s — it’s your business, and only your business. If you want to invest in a fund but your partner wants to buy a fancier car, there’s no fight because there’s no parter to disagree with how you spend your money!"
7 It's All About Your Choice And What You Want
One new perk you'll notice right away is that you now call the shots — all the time. "You can turn the heat or the air conditioning to whatever temperature you want," says Masini. "Like sleeping with the windows wide open? If you’re single, nobody is there to disagree with you. Want extra blankets at night, or only healthy food in the fridge and pantry? You get to choose how things are in your home, because you’re single!"
Enjoying your newly single life may not happen overnight, but once you realize the relationship ended for a reason and appreciate the benefits, you'll get there in no time.