Life
When you're looking for a love that lasts, you're really looking to find your "person." As Kelli Tellier, dating and relationship expert at WhatsYourPrice, tells Bustle, your person is essentially your soulmate. "They’re more than a best friend or a significant other," she says. "You can’t remember a time before them, and you’ll suddenly understand why all of your past relationships never worked out when you’ve finally met them." It's the kind of relationship many of us try to find. But how do you know when you've finally met them?
In general, Chanta Blue, LCSW, relationship therapist and co-owner of Blue Counseling and Wellness Center, tells Bustle that finding your person can be a difficult task for most people. That's because you choose who your person is.
According to Blue, your person is someone you absolutely adore. "It's someone you want to create a family with, grow your professional career with, can trust to support you in times of need, and most importantly, have fun with," she says.
Identifying whether or not the person you're dating is your person is important to do sooner rather than later. So here are some seemingly odd things that prove your partner is your person, according to science.
1
Arguments Make Your Relationship More Harmonious
If you're partner is your person, you're going to feel completely safe sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings, knowing sometimes it may lead to a disagreements. In fact, a survey of 1,000 adults conducted by Joseph Grenny found that couples who “argue effectively” are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who avoid conflict completely. When you hold back on expressing yourself for fear of starting a fight, you're just allowing resentment to build. But when you're with you're person, you'll keep the lines of communication open.
According to relationship coach Kate Romero, you know you've finally met your soulmate when you can safely talk about the "hard stuff" together and work it all out. "You know that your partner has your back and you always feel emotionally supported," she says.
2
You're Not Too Big On Texting
Texting has become such a big deal when it comes to dating. It's easy to worry about why someone isn't texting you back right away or what this punctuation mark (or lack thereof) actually means. But according to a 2014 published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, researchers found that too much texting can actually hurt your relationship. Women who used texts to apologize or make decisions with their partners, and men who texted with their partners more frequently, were found to be less satisfied with their relationship overall.
Communication is important for your relationship, but you shouldn't solely rely on texting to feel connected or to solve problems. According to the study, if you and your partner just text here and there to express affection, your relationship is likely on a good track.
3
They Laugh At The Same Things You Do
"A good healthy humor between two people is a sign of a good, healthy relationship," relationship therapist Irina Baechle, LCSW, tells Bustle. In fact, a 2017 University of Kansas study published in the journal Personal Relationships found that couples who have a shared sense of humor are more likely to stay together long-term. As Baechle says, "It’s not just about laughing together; it's also about the ability to connect on a deeper level and profoundly bond with each other." So if you've found someone who shares your sense of humor, you've likely found your person.
4
You're BFFs
Your partner doesn’t necessarily have to be your best friend in order for your relationship to work. But according to a 2014 study by the National Bureau of Economic Research, it can certainly help. The study found that couples who say they’re best friends are twice as more satisfied with their lives overall than those who can’t say the same.
"Your relationship with your person will be different than others because it will be stable," Lindsey Metselaar, relationship expert and host of the We Met At Acme podcast, tells Bustle. "They'll be like a best friend that you have sex with. You will have zero issues trusting them when you're apart, and every time you fight, it will bring you closer together."
5
You're Super Clear On Who Does What Chores
Who does what around the house may not seem like such a big deal, but oddly enough, research finds that it can make or break your relationship, especially if you live together. A 2007 Pew Research Poll found that 62 percent of married adults say that sharing household chores is “very important” to a marriage’s success. A 2013 study conducted by researchers from California State University, Long Beach and the University of California, Los Angeles, also found that couples who share the responsibilities at home are more likely to feel satisfied in their relationship. Having clearly defined responsibilities and following through with them shows that you and your partner are on the same team.
6
Your Partner And Your Friends Are Cool With Each Other
A 2017 study of heterosexual couples published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that when a husband disapproved of his wife’s friends, it increased their chances of getting a divorce. Researchers also cited previous studies that found the opposite was also true. When your friends or family disapprove of your partner, the relationship isn’t likely to last.
"If you have healthy relationships with the people in your life, they will usually be able to identify folks who would make a good match for you," Blue says. "When we are in love and high off of that new relationship energy, we can become blinded by our desires. So it's helpful to have the people who know you best, connect with your partner." Interestingly enough, the same couldn’t be said for wives who disapproved of their husband’s friends. There wasn’t enough significant evidence to prove that it predicted divorce.
7
Most Of Your Friends Are Happily In Love
A 2013 Brown University study found that couples are 75 percent more likely to get divorced if they have close friends or relatives that have already done it. In other words, divorce can be contagious. If you see people you know personally go through divorce, it's always going to be an option. But if you surround yourself with people who have found their "person" and know how to work out problems, it gives you hope that you and your partner can overcome anything.
Finding your person doesn't guarantee that your relationship will always be amazing. But it does guarantee that you have a partner who's dependable and all-in. If you have that person by your side, never take that for granted.
