There are so many "rules" about sex and dating. Don’t do it until the third date. If you sleep with someone right away, it means you’re not interested in more than sex. Or, worse, it means that they’re not interested in more than sex. But personally? I’ve always said forget the rules. When it comes to sex and dating, I say, have sex when you’re ready to have sex — even if it’s on the first date.
Totally against all common wisdom, right? Women who date men especially are “supposed” to hold out on sex, making it some kind of prize that dudes have to win from them. But that kind of women-as-guardians-of-sex and men-as-aggressors attitude is exactly what fuels rape culture. It also is just annoying AF. Like, if you want to have sex, you should have sex, regardless of your gender or sexual orientation or how many dates you've had. And if you don’t? That’s cool too!
“If you want to have sex on the first date, and you’ve discussed boundaries, consent, expectations, protection, and preferences, why not go for it?” Demetrius Figueroa, founder of the dating blog and podcast The Tao of Indifference, tells Bustle.
So, in my never-ending quest to smash all of the pointless (and often sexist) rules about what we should and should not be doing with our bodies, here are seven reasons it’s totally fine to have sex on the first date.
1. Because You Want To
“If you’re planning on having sex with them anyway, what’s the point in waiting?, Figueroa says. "As long as you’re both having sex on your terms, and you both know what sex will and won’t mean, I think there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date. You’re a consenting adult, so don’t feel pressured by vague social rules telling you when to seek pleasure.”
2. It Could Communicate Great Things About You
"I just had lunch with a good friend of mine," Dr. Jennifer B. Rhodes, licensed psychologist, dating expert, and the founder of the relationship consultancy, Rapport Relationships, tells Bustle. "He is 39, a NYC attorney, and married for over 10 years with two kids. I asked him what attracted him to his wife. He was very clear — she didn't worry about whether they should sleep together or not. In fact, she wasn't worried about anything. She was living in the moment and he loved being around her."
3. To Test Your Sexual Chemistry And Compatibility
“Anyone can talk a good game when it comes to sex, but there really isn’t a better way to figure out if you’d be a good fit with someone in the bedroom than actually having sex with them,” Figueroa says. “Why wait two, three, or four or more dates to find out whether or not you’re both a good fit sexually?”
4. It's Not Going To Make Or Break It
"Sleeping with or not sleeping with someone is not going good to make or break a relationship," Dr. Rhodes says. "If you feel it, go for it. Most of all, try not to fixate about consequences we don't know will happen — anxiety kills chemistry — living in the moment is intoxicating."
5. To Figure Out Their Intentions
“Anyone can say that they’ll stick around after sex, but will they?” Figueroa says. “Personally, I’m a big fan of confronting a potential negative sooner rather than later, and there’s no better way to quickly determine if someone is only in it for sex than by having sex with them."
6. It Saves Time
“It really comes down to this: Would you rather someone leaves after sex on the first date, when you haven’t invested much into them, or after the fifth date, after you’ve invested weeks of time getting to know them?” Figueroa says.
7. It Gets The Awkward First Time Out Of The Way
“For most people, the first time they have sex is probably the most awkward time they’ll have sex,” Figueroa says. “You might have a vague idea about what they’re preferences are, but you won’t have the practical experience to really wow them the first go round. If you’re planning on making sex with them a regular thing, you might as well get the first time out of the way so you can really start having fun.”
So let's get rid of the "no sex on the first date" rule. If you're ready to have sex, I think you should go for it.