You may have heard the saying, without risk, there is no reward. That's especially true for relationships. If you're willing to take some very essential risks early on in your relationship, experts say, your partner just might be "The One."
"The reality is, many people don’t take risks," Chelsea Leigh Trescott, breakup coach and podcast host of Thank You Heartbreak tells Bustle. Some tend to feel like their relationship is "too fragile" or isn’t special enough yet to engage in a deeper way or put in more of an effort.
Just think of the types of dating advice that gets thrown around a lot. For instance, first dates should be kept light. Don't talk about "taboo" topics too soon. Keep your options open and don't seem too hung up on one person unless it becomes exclusive. But as a result, we end up offering "the bare minimum while internally nurturing the fantasy that one day this relationship will be more than it currently is," Trescott says.
But love doesn't always work that way. You can't get to a place of closeness by waiting around and giving your partner the bare minimum. "You have to work your way toward the day where your relationships are deeper and rawer and more allowing," she says. "The way you get yourself there is by risking yourself a little bit more."
Taking risks mean getting out of your comfort zone. Some people you're with will make it easier more than others. So if you're able to take the following risks early on in your relationship, your partner just might be "The One."
1. Be The First One To Say "I Love You"
Being the first one to say "I love you," is pretty scary. According to Trescott, many of us won't say it until we're told it first. "But it’s the most antiquated move in the playbook," she says. "It is one of the greatest hinderances to us moving in the direction we so badly want to take ourselves." If your partner really is "The One," they will not only "value your initiation, humility, and sincerity" but will be excited at the possibilities of a deeper and more loving relationship. "Everyone wants to be with someone who makes their feelings known because it provides clarity, security, and reassurance," Trescott says. So if you think your partner is the one for you, don't be scared to be that for them.
2. Make The Big Move
This applies to those in long-distance relationships. If you're in an LDR and you really believe in your heart that your partner is "The One," make that move. As Trescott says, "You can always move right on back." This may feel risky and "sound insane" to many, but according to her, "this will save you the insanity of a relationship built on vacation mode, escapism, and the idealism and fantastical thinking of 'when we’re finally together.'" Just think, you can be in a relationship with someone who's physically close to you and you can still feel their presence lacking. "You may as well see if a life together works or if it only works from a distance," she says.
3. Share Your Honest Opinions Even If You Think It Will Lead To An Argument
Keep reminding yourself that fights don't automatically lead to breakups, especially early on. When you carefully try to avoid the risk of getting into arguments with your partner, Bethany Ricciardi, relationship expert with TooTimid, tells Bustle, the tendency is to shut down emotionally. You withhold your true feelings and just go along with whatever your partner says. But the danger in this is, they might think you don’t care, which is far from the truth. "Fighting can be healthy in a relationship," Ricciardi says. "Just try and engage by saying something, even if you’re having trouble ‘fighting back.’"
4. See Them Several Times A Week
"Some people think that holding back maintains a mystique that keeps a partner hooked and sometimes this works," relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle. "Other times, it just feels to them like you’re withholding and controlling or simply not interested." You might want to forget about any dating advice that requires you to pull away in order to make someone more interested. "If you like someone, and you have time to talk daily or see [them] several times a week, go for it," Masini says. If your partner really is "The One," they'll happily welcome it.
5. Be Silly And Showcase Your True Self
You may want your relationship to get to a serious place, but you shouldn't be afraid to act silly and have fun in the early stages. "Take the risk ... to do something cute for your partner," Ricciardi says. "Surprises can seem corny, but do it!" One of the best ways to keep your relationship satisfying long-term is to laugh with your partner. So don't be afraid to let your silly side shine. If it's really meant to be, your sense of humor will be compatible.
6. Ask For What You Want
“The One” will want to be able to give you everything you want and need, Jenna Ponaman, CPC, ELI-MP, Relationship Coach and Expert, tells Bustle. So don't beat around the bush. If you want something in your relationship to make you feel more safe or satisfied, let your partner know. "Risk being seen and be clear about what it is you want, no matter how awkward it may feel," she says. "Help them to help you."
7. Make Plans For The Future Together
When you're with "The One," making plans for the future together is a risk you can take early on. This could be related to vacations, jobs, moving, or even your future family together. Whatever it is, Heidi McBain, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle, you’re talking about the future together because you can’t imagine it without each other. This doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get engaged right away, it just means you're both on the same page about where you want your relationship to go.
Falling in love can be the greatest feeling in the world. At the same time, it can be super scary. But if you're willing to take that risk, you may see some really amazing rewards.