7 Surprisingly Intimate Questions That'll Take Your Connection With Your Partner To The Next Level
If you and your partner are looking to take your connection to the next level, being open and vulnerable with each other is key. When you're able to do that, it's easier for you to build emotional intimacy in your relationship. Asking the right questions can help move your conversations from surface-level to something much deeper and more meaningful.
According to psychotherapist Laura Dabney, M.D., nothing will ever progress in your relationship unless it stands on a solid emotional foundation. That means, you both trust that you won't hurt, betray, or shame each other in any way. It also means that you have respect for each other's boundaries and you trust that you're committed to each other.
"I counsel couples and individuals alike to spend as much time reinforcing the emotional core of their relationship as the they do the physical core," Dr. Dabney says. "While there are many exercises and conversations that a coach or therapist can facilitate for you, there are an equal number of conversations that you can and should be having within the privacy of your own walls."
When you build a solid emotional foundation in your relationship, you can have a bond that lasts. So here are some surprisingly intimate questions you can ask your partner in order to take your relationship to the next level, according to experts.
1. "What's One Secret You Haven't Told Me About Yet?"
Your partner doesn't necessarily have to tell you every little deep, dark secret about themselves in order for you to have a healthy relationship. But exchanging some secrets will allow for the two of you to get to know each other on a deeper level. As Caitlyn Paltsios, relationship expert from Grapevine Gossip, tells Bustle, "Getting to know each other's most kept secrets is one of the best ways to grow as a couple." Of course, make sure your partner is comfortable sharing first.
2. "What Is One Thing You Want To Do With Me That We've Never Tried Together?"
"This is a very intimate question that shows you are open to possibilities," Paltsios says. It's also a question that allows you both as a couple to be open about the things you want to see in your relationship, as well as any boundaries you or your partner may have. While this question can help you explore things in the bedroom, it can help outside of the bedroom too.
3. "What Was Your Favorite Thing To Do As A Kid?"
Questions about childhood can get deeply personal for some. But according to Lesli Doares, couples consultant and coach, this is a lighter question that can give you a window into how your partner spent their early years and what they thought was fun. "It can be a gauge as to how much they’ve changed and what characteristics have remained stable over time," she says.
4. "If You Could Change Anything About The Way You Were Raised, What Would It Be?"
A person's relationship with their parents can say a lot about them. Unlike the previous question, this one about childhood can hit on deeply rooted regrets, insecurities, and fears. As Samantha Morrison, wellness expert for Glacier Wellness tells Bustle, "You'll learn how they handle adversity and how they feel about family." And if you are curious, it can possibly clue you into the type of parent they might be in the future, as well.
5. "What's Something Your Parents Don't Know About You?"
"This is a sure-fire way to take your relationship to the next level," Morrison says. "Although it doesn't have to be a deep dark secret, there are certain things we like to keep from our parents, which can be quite telling about our personalities." It's another great way to learn more about your partner's relationship with their parents and how rebellious they are.
6. "Do You Believe In Karma?"
It's an interesting conversation starter that dating coach Laurie Berzack, MSW, tells Bustle, can help you reveal if your partner believes there's a consequence to their actions, and to what extent. It can also lead to a greater discussion of belief systems in general, and may help you see if yours and your partner's align.
7. "Do You Have Any Regrets In Your Life?"
This is a good question that will allow your partner to be vulnerable. As Berzack says, it's a "deep question that will lead to an even deeper conversation without either of you feeling threatened." That's because it gives your partner the ability to control how much they're willing to share or not.
The questions you can ask your partner in order to have a closer connection are pretty limitless. In fact, Doares says, "Pretty much any question that gets at your partner’s hopes, dreams, memories or fears can make you closer." So you can even be as fun and creative as you'd like.
Just remember that answering intimate questions can be uncomfortable for some because being vulnerable can be pretty scary. But give it some time. Having an emotionally intimate relationship doesn't just happen overnight. But if you keep talking to each other openly and honestly, you can take your connection to the next level.