7 Ways To Protect Your Relationship From Infidelity That You've Never Thought Of Before

Feeling jealous or worried about your partner cheating? That's OK, you can talk it out. "We all experience jealousy at some point; the key to keeping things healthy is being able to identify the feeling and not allow it to control behavior," marriage and family therapist and relationship expert Esther Boykin, tells Bustle. If you don't talk about it, there's a chance your fears will manifest in other ways that will drive your partner away.

It may be hard to admit, but recognize that cheating can happen to you — because it's not something that only happens when one person in the relationship is evil. It's much more complicated.

"I think the most common misunderstanding is that only 'bad' people cheat,” Erica Turner, MS, Resident in Marriage and Family Therapy and Director of Marketing at Group Therapy Associates, tells Bustle. “Sure, there are definitely people who are chronically unfaithful and may have little respect for their partner or themselves. But most of the people we see in couples therapy essentially 'slid into' cheating — they felt like something was missing or going wrong in their primary relationship, and instead of dealing with that, they allowed a friendship or interaction with another person to become inappropriate. This doesn't usually happen all at once, but over time, it builds until they have a physical and/or emotional intimacy with an outside person that threatens their primary relationship."

You might assume you and your partner are on the same page, but different people have different opinions on what 'counts' as cheating. "Some people believe that cheating only counts if there's physical intimacy — touching, kissing, or sex, for example," Erica Turner, MS, Resident in Marriage and Family Therapy and Director of Marketing at Group Therapy Associates, tells Bustle. "Others believe that cheating is not only physical, but also emotional intimacy — telling another person things you don't tell your partner, or allowing feelings for someone else to grow and develop."

Even if it seems obvious, it's important to talk about monogamy and what counts as cheating so you both know where you both stand. This will help keep you out of grey areas.

What do you do if one of you is thinking about cheating? It may sound odd, but it's best to tell your partner what you've been feeling and what you can do. "It is perfectly normal to have straying eyes and thoughts after you have been in a long-term relationship for some time," Shane Birkel, LMFT, tells Bustle. "Part of the reason this happens is that couples get swept up in their day to day lives and forget to make their relationship a priority. In the beginning there is a lot more excitement, novelty, and a sense that life is changing for the better. After being with a partner for a long time it is typical to feel bored, stuck, and to desire something more exciting."

No, not in the physical sense. Well, not just that. You need to keep your emotional connection strong and keep the intimacy alive. "...maintaining a close emotional and physical connection is definitely a way to feed your relationship," relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW tells Bustle. "The more intimacy that exists between two people, the more satisfying the relationship. If a couple finds that they are too disconnected — emotionally and physically — they will start to feel like something is missing and one of them may start looking else where. It’s nice to try and treat your significant other as well as you treat your friends. Often we take our partners for granted and are short, or dismissive with them. A person who feels hurt, blown off, or unseen is more likely to respond to the attentions of an outside party."

So if you keep yourself present with your partner, they're less likely to look elsewhere.

Make sure you're communicating effectively, especially when it comes to your needs. One of the most erosive things you can do in a relationship is belittle each other. "Don't use sarcasm or criticism to communicate your unhappiness." licensed clinical psychotherapist Dr. LeslieBeth Wish tells Bustle, because that can slowly eat away at your closeness. Even if you don't realize it, you might be pushing them away just in the way you communicate. "We often don't know everything that goes on in our partner's mind," she says.

Holding each other accountable over small indiscretions helps keep each other from drifting into larger ones. "Agree to speak up when you are unhappy about your partner's handling of an issue," Wish says. "Avoiding issues may seem a good way to keep the peace, but, instead, it allows doubt and hurt to fester. Especially speak up when you feel that you and your partner are drifting apart." This has two benefits— you keep resentment from building up and leading to cheating and you make sure that you're both aware of how your actions affect the other person.

It's good to try to protect your relationship, but if you do get cheated on, don't think it's because you failed to protect your relationship. That's not how it works. "I’m not sure it’s really possible to protect your relationship from infidelity," Harstein says. "I think people mostly cheat because it’s in their nature rather than because their partner has done something 'wrong'." All you can do is keep your relationship as strong as it can be. But if it does happen, it's never your fault.