If you're getting intimate with a partner, whether it's a new relationship or one that you've been in for a while, there are a few rules when it comes to sex that you should know. For instance, quit doing weird things in bed that might be a major turn off. What's more, your actions might even offend your partner, which could definitely take sex off the table (perhaps literally, as well?) for good. No matter your preferences and style, it's possible what you like and what your partner likes just doesn't quite sync up. Yet, a few actions are universally pretty bad, so here's a heads up.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on keeping that spark alive in their relationships, as it's possible to get into a rut with your S.O., especially when you've been dating for a few months or years. Yet, a great way to keep the chemistry strong is by having great sexual attraction between the sheets, so if you can't seem to match well when having sex, it could definitely negatively impact the future of your relationship. Plus, if your partner keeps doing things that kill the mood, upset you, or bore you, you'll probably start to question why you're together and consider breaking up for good. Here are 7 things you really shouldn't do in bed, as they are weird, awkward, and basically just not enjoyable for anyone.
1. Assume Your Partner Knows Just What You Like
Sure, your partner might see some signs you're enjoying yourself (it's pretty easy to tell, I think), but it's less likely that he or she has all the answers to what you like and don't like, especially if it's a new relationship. "It's ok to communicate during sex to make sure everyone is having a good time. Vocalizing your desires to your partner is a perfectly normal thing to do, and can enhance the sexual experience," says David Bennett, relationship counselor, over email with Bustle.
2. Being Super Passive
"Even people who are more submissive and passive in bed need to put in some effort and energy," says Bennett. "Nothing is more unattractive than a partner who just mindlessly goes through the motions (pun intended) or, even worse, doesn't have any motion at all," Bennett adds. Make sure you're putting in the work to reap the mutual rewards.
3. Talking Dirty If Your Partner Isn't OK With It
While sometimes this can be hot, depending on the context and the individuals involved, if you're talking dirty during sex to the point where's it's awkward, uncomfortable, or maybe even offensive, you're doing it all wrong. Plus, you're likely ruining sex for the future, too, as it's hard to erase strange dialogue from your memory.
4. Assuming Your Partner Wants To Experiment Without Asking
It's always smart to make sure your partner is on the same page as you, sexually. This includes how vanilla (or otherwise) you want sex to be. Before assuming your partner is down for some adventure, ask them. Be sure he or she is on board with the idea before pulling out the gadgets.
5. Pressuring Your Partner To Finish
Don't ruin the moment by asking if your partner has orgasmed. Believe me, if there was the big O, you'd witness it. That being said, stop pressuring the other person to finish before ready. It makes it seem like you're impatient and over it already, which can make it even harder to come (as you can probably understand).
6. Being Super Kinky Without Asking If Your Partner Is OK With It
If you're about to have sex for the first time, you need to be cautious, and resist oversharing your fetishes or kinky side until the other person gets to know you better, explains relationship and etiquette expert April Masini, over email with Bustle. "For instance, not everyone is into 'accessories' in bed, even though you think they’re normal. And your fetish may be something you’ve lived with for a long time, but it’s going to put off someone who’s just had a first date with you. Save the more intricate sex toys and sex acts for later dates when you’ve had a chance to get to know someone," Masini suggests.
7. Mentioning Your Ex
Don’t talk about how your ex really loved this or that in bed. It’s weird. "And even if you’re saying it to make your current partner feel good because your ex used to do something weird in bed and you’re sharing to show how close you feel — it’s going to make the other person feel uncomfortable, and that’s not what you want in romance," says Masini.
If you're doing any of these things with your S.O. you could be killing the vibes, for sure. Instead, focusing on being present with your partner, being openminded and flexible, and getting to know each other on a deeper level.