It might be safe to say that even the biggest skeptics out there believe, at least a little bit, in "The One;" you know, that your perfect match, the yin to your yang, your — dare I say it? — soulmate. In fact, a 2017 poll by Monmouth University Polling Institute, found that two-thirds of Americans believe that, yes, soulmates exist and there really is only one person for each of us. Whether or not you believe in "The One", you probably believe that there are people out there who just aren't right for you, too.
"Sometimes the universe sends hints, messages, and signs that the person you're with isn't 'The One' for you," Astrologer and Psychic, Cindy Mckean, tells Bustle. "While some of those signs may scream loudly such as an abusive partner or someone that intentionally disrespects you, most signs tend to whisper. Some of those signs are so subtle you might miss them, but with an open mind, an open heart, and a desire for truth, sometimes noticing the small signs save you the agony of heartbreak or regret that you didn't notice until hindsight."
So, if you want to quit wasting your time with someone who isn't a good match for you, it's time to pay attention and listen to the universe. Here are 11 subtle signs that your partner just isn't the one for you.
1. Repeating Numbers
"[A] Pisces I knew got served with divorce papers on the day of her 11th anniversary to her spouse," says Mckean. "Needless to say, '11' became an unlucky number for her. When she started dating again after her divorce, she met someone who was 'breathtakingly gorgeous.' They had a first great date, there was wonderful chemistry, but when she found out her prospective partner's birthday, she saw it as double trouble, being the 11th day of the 11th month. This was a very subtle hint the universe gave her. She's glad she followed her gut. As it turns out, her date was already involved with someone else and was looking for someone to 'decompress' with."
While this might seem like a stretch for some, because — hello, coincidence? — this is something I wish I knew. In 2013, I met the man I would marry. His birthday was February 13, our first official date was March 13, he proposed (the first time of three times) on July 13, and moved, temporarily, to New York on September 13. Since I had always feared the number 13 (I'm more of an eight girl), I thought all these 13s were a sign that I shouldn't fear 13. Apparently, not. If only I had this information sooner, I could have avoided so much humiliation and heartache.
"In Numerology, '11' is a power number," adds McKean. "Where most numbers get boiled down to a single digit, '11' remains a double digit and the symbology of two '1's' parallel to each other won't go amiss if it's taken as a subtle sign."
Basically, pay attention to those numbers that keep coming up. And, pay special attention if it's an 11.
2. You Feel As Though Your Partner Is Insensitive
"From my experience a person’s Moon sign has more impact on a harmonious relationship than a person’s Sun sign," Energy Astrologer, Linda Furiate, tells Bustle. "The moon is said to rule our heart and our emotions. Since most relationships have to do with our feelings it’s important that the Moon signs are in a pleasant aspect to one another. Otherwise one may feel that their partner is totally insensitive."
Even if you're not sure of what your moon sign is, if you feel as though your partner is insensitive, that's still a subtle sign — especially once you do research on your moon signs and see that they're not playing nice with each other.
3. Something Feels Off When You Hold Hands
"Maybe your partner is just nervous, but you can tell a lot about someone just from a how their hands feel to you," says Mckean. "Employers regularly get impressions from prospective employees through handshakes. A fist bump that's too hard or too light, an awkward dap, a missed high-five might be cute between buddies, but when you hold hands with your partner and feel like something is missing, you don't want to miss that subtle sign.
Just like there are incompatible zodiac signs in Astrology, there are incompatible hand types in Palmistry. A philosophers hand, or the hand of a thinker, characterized by long fingers, knotty joints, and flexibility may not fare well with a partner with elemental hands which can indicate a base type of person. Elemental hands are characterized by short fingers and rigid joints with a generally thick hand and fingers." In other words, hands matter.
4. You Don't Dream About Your Partner
Of course, you can't control what you dream about (although some swear they can), that do speak to your thought process and what's on your mind — as well as what's not on your mind.
"Your dreams at night are an amazing indicator of your thoughts and emotions," says Mckean. "It could be as simple as a more pleasant dream where you're with 'The One', only 'The One' in your dream looks nothing like your partner in real life. Perhaps you had a nightmare and your partner wasn't there to offer support. If you reflect on your dreams, you can find that they reveal a lot of subtle indicators on whether you're really with the right partner."
5. You Can't Overcome Hard Times Together
A partnership, a real partnership, means relishing in the good and fighting the bad — together, as a team. But if a difficult time arises, and you and your partner can't make your way through it together, that's definitely a sign from the universe that something's not quite right.
"Venus and Saturn match-ups offer us staying power," says Furiate. "When these two planets between a couple’s chart positively relate the motto ‘love conquers all’ may prevail. Often hard times are an opportunity to build upon the relationship and strengthen the core values that may offer a lifetime of wedded bliss."
6. You Can't Find A Middle Ground
If you feel like the more you try to compromise, the worse things are getting, pay attention. "When you find that you both regularly knock heads, there's a significant incompatibility there that shouldn't be ignored," Mckean says. "Maybe your zodiac sign is a fire element (Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius) and your partner is a water sign (Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces). From the get-go there's already the nature of contrasting elements stacked up against you. Sure, things might feel steamy hot at some points (think of how fire can heat water into a vapor), but at the same time try lighting a wet match and you'll find that not only is there no spark, but it crumbles under the effort to make it light. When you're pushing hard to make something work and it only seems to get worse, see it as a subtle sign from the universe."
7. You Feel There's Not Enough Harmony
Although a passionate relationship can be fun and hot ultimately, you want harmony. You want things to be at peace and not always so up and down, and all over the place. Sure, some occasional drama that involves make-up sex on the floor can be great, but that sort of thing loses its appeal if it happens all the time.
"When the planets align in perfect harmony between the birth charts of two people the relationship may feel heavenly," says Furiate. "When there appears to be conflict or stress between planetary aspects of both charts, challenges may arise that ask the couple to work on those characteristics of self to strengthen the relationship — or when the karmic energy between these two souls are fulfilled is may be best to move on and seek a more harmonious union. The blessing in any challenging relationship is to reflect upon our inner desires so that when the next mate enters our world we may be filled with the passion to allow our best self to step forward."
8. You See Messages Hidden In Plain Sight
"This is one of the most subtle of messages that are the most obvious in hindsight," says Mckean. "It could be anything from a series of repeated experiences to a simple answer to your question. A woman who met her friends at a Chinese restaurant jokingly asked the universe to tell give her any messages about her partner. The message from her fortune cookie seemed unrelated, 'Don't walk. Run.' It was easily a message to dismiss, but she later looked back at that message as a sign. When you ask the universe a question and it delivers an answer in black and white ticker tape, it may really be a direct telegram from the ethers."
If you believe in the power of the universe, then you believe everything happens for a reason — including what your fortune in a fortune cookie might have to say.
"Lucky for us, one of the most beautiful things about how the universe works is that it can be very personal for you," says McKean. "With that, you might want to tune in beyond the horizon to see what the universe has to say. It can be comforting to know there's a special message out there for you with the answers. Sometimes the answers might be in the heavens or right in the palm of your hands."